Conspiracies are as intricate a part of the NBA’s fabric as the three-point line, cash considerations and the draft rights to Fran Vazquez. The off-season is well underway, and well, things are starting to get eerie. Let’s discuss, because I’m starting to lose it.
It’s time we had a talk about the Hoopers.
Ever since State Farm’s preeminent television family was ever-so-quietly put out to pasture, there’s been a bit of a void in the commercial space that the Andersons getting tickets to the game can only plug for so long. Affection is fleeting. But The Hoopers, our All-Star family, has not been forgotten.
Going into free agency, the evidence has mounted to the point that it can no longer be ignored. Chris Paul got traded to the Rockets on Wednesday. It’s time we asked the biggest question of the summer.
What did the Hoopers know, and when did they know it?
Because coincidence, my friend, is in the eye of the beholder. The Hoopers commercials have accurately predicted the 2017 off-season thus far. And that is wildly insane.
Exhibit A: Loving father Chris Paul and teenage son Kevin Love have a talk about the Hawks and the Hornets.
At 9:03 p.m. Eastern Time on June 20, 2017, the Atlanta Hawks traded Dwight Howard to the Charlotte Hornets.
Exhibit B: Grandpa Kevin Garnett searches for a way to cut out coupons for chicken nuggets. Teenage son Kevin Love...loves Nuggets.
ESPN reported ahead of the 2017 draft that Cleveland, Indiana and Denver were mulling a three-way deal that would send Kevin Love to...the Nuggets.
Connecting the dots yet? Run that last one back.
Chris Paul got traded. Blake Griffin and J.J. Redick are free agents. DeAndre Jordan has been part of trade rumors. What’s that, baby Dame?
No. Good. Clippers. NO GOOD CLIPPERS.
State Farm, we are all at your mercy. If Kevin Love and Damian Lillard lead their respective conferences in assists this season, nobody will bat an eyelash, dammit.
But also, no, DeAndre, mama still ain’t got no rings.