Spider-Man Jimmy
I sometimes forget about my 49ers tattoo.
Alright, it’s not your typical logo. Honestly, most people look at it, and then glare at me with this scattered-jigsaw-puzzle-pieces look in their eyes. You know, the one where the lights are on, but the owner packed their bags and moved to Aruba.
This tattoo is a metaphor, really. There’s no logo in sight. Rather, in a small, typewriter font, the phrase, “Feels great, baby,” is forever stamped on my upper, upper back thigh (I’m sorry, dad).
Most of you are reading this and thinking some thoughts. I’ve probably heard them all because my silly self posted a video of my tattoo reveal on Twitter to show everyone my loyalty to the team—even after Jimmy Garoppolo tore my heart out and overthrew it to Emmanuel Sanders on third down with just 1:39 left in the fourth quarter Super Bowl LIV.
Regardless, I made a pact to myself to get a tattoo to represent the incredible season we had all felt as fans. It did feel great, baby. But I realized pretty quickly that while I was riding a season high, the 49ers were lower than my dating standards circa 2012.
Trust me, they were low.
Let’s take a trip back to the iconic post-game interview with Erin Andrews and Jimmy Garoppolo.
“8-0. How does it feel?” Andrews asked, fully unaware of the words that were about to spill out of Jimmy Jawline’s extremely chiselled mouth.
“Feels great, baby,” he flashed a perfect smile.
And then an awkward Andrews’ chuckle. That interview changed my life. I knew in that moment the 49ers were going to the Super Bowl and Jimmy G just became the man.
Confidence grew inside of him that day and the Niners went on to do great things, baby! The team, who most people doubted and dubbed #ThePretenders basically all season, had proven themselves against all odds. They even made the NFL Network's Adam Rank question his career choice -- he predicted the Niners would be 3-13.
Garoppolo led the pack of misfits, gold and red cape flying in the wind. He threw for 424 yards and four touchdowns a few weeks later in their second matchup against the Cardinals—#RevengeTour was obviously a real thing for Arizona this year, just sayin’.
The next week, it was Jimmy Cheese Wiz against the Packers with another two TDs and 253 yards. Man, I love shredded cheese.
Let’s skip the Ravens’ game because Lamar Jackson, woo woo, big trus, etc.
49ers went to church the following Sunday against Drew Brees and the Saints. Garoppolo showed the NFL world his guns and damn, he could shoot. With a final score of 48-46 against New Orleans, the Saints went marching into the locker room with a big, shiny L, while Jimmy G was canonized after throwing for 349 yards and four touchdowns.
Feels flippin’ great, baby.
In that moment, I remember thinking that this man was going to be the MVP. Maybe not at the end of the 2019 season, but value ran through his veins. And like any hero, it sometimes takes a radioactive spider bite to unlock the superpowers within.
That spider bite was losing the Super Bowl.
And while it’s an incredible feat to lead your team to the big stage in your first real season as a starter, Jimmy G (and the whole 49ers squad) failed in the fourth quarter. Rather than heal from that heartbreaking loss with a fun and flirty offseason, Garoppolo—and the world—shut down.
A pandemic took away our typical lives; we went into hibernation and got tattoos to pretend like we were okay.
We created that #RevengeTour mentality and wore masks to not only protect ourselves from the virus, but also to hide our non-existent smiles and mask the feeling of sheer brokenness.
Well, newsflash everyone: superheroes feel broken, at times, too. And when Jimmy slapped on that “feels great, baby” mask during the offseason, he hid behind a catch phrase of what used to be—a picturesque version of who can be, yet it’s like he was afraid to suit up and try.
And that’s where the faithful come in. They hug him in the form of vanity; the pretty-boy compliments, the heart-eyed emojis. I'm guilty, too.
But just like my dumb tattoo, we’re coddling the loss with happy thoughts and distractions that are basically enabling an “it’s okay to lose, sweetie” mentality. Enough is enough. It’s time to metaphorically tattoo over that cop-out phrase with the ferocious face of an angry lioness.
The offseason was a mess. Preseason games were tossed out the window. So, Jimmy had to frown his way through a real game and try to act like last year’s Super Bowl loss was totally in the past, when in reality, that overthrown ball has haunted him every day since.
He looked scared Week 1 against the Cardinals. He gave his heart to the game last year, and the game stripped him down to a mere three words, that ironically came after defeating Arizona.
Starting the season 0-1 isn’t ideal. But remember my whole superhero analogy with the spider bite? Peter Parker didn’t become Spider-Man overnight. He was bit, and then began to recognize his enhanced athleticism. Parker had to hone in on his new skills to develop a special wrist-mounted barrel that allowed him to truly live up to his full super hero potential.
Losing to the Cards was Garoppolo falling off the ceiling. Luckily for him, he’s about to create his wrist-mounted barrel. He has the power to stick to everything; he just needs the confidence to let go—even when the ceiling is higher than ever before.
40-1. Those are his odds to be MVP this year, according to Vegas Insider.
The 49ers will win at least 11 games this year. So by default, this makes Jimmy a strong MVP candidate if he replicates or improves on his stats last year (3,978 yards, 27 touchdown passes, and 13 interceptions). He will. 40-1 is a value buy and, like I said earlier, value runs in his veins. In other words, it's time to double down on Jimmy “Peter Parker” Garoppolo.
He’s about to go full Spider-Man with the 49ers. And when he takes home MVP honours, it’ll feel a whole lot better than just great, baby.
Hell, I’ll even get a Spider-Man tattoo.
