Dallas Cowboys (Un)Cursed: Jimmy Johnson 'Working for' Jerry Jones As A 'PR Stunt'?
WHITT'S END 2.23.24:
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Ring of Honor is one thing, but … Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones are “working together” again for the Dallas Cowboys?
Guarantee: When the long-time friends were burying the hatchet and talking shop over a cold one or two the last year, at one point Jimmy coming out of retirement to coach the Cowboys was brought up.
Maybe not extensively discussed or seriously considered. But at least broached.
Meanwhile, as our Mike Fisher reported at the start of the week: This "Advisory Board'' thing is highly unofficial. But Jerry has utilized the concept for decades. And those "Advisory Board'' words are Jimmy's.
And one more thing, to those who would theorize that this is all just another Jerry marketing gambit: Jerry didn't announce this; Jimmy said it, on Miami radio, in an off-the-cuff manner. People really think Jones arranged for Johnson to reveal this "blockbuster'' with Jimmy knowing all along that it's all fake?
So Jimmy Johnson agreed to serve as a PR prop for Jerry?
As Fish says here: The people - media members and fans - who think this are too young to know that Johnson would never agree to such a thing, and indeed, would be so insulted by it that his "frienemy'' relationship might've been triggered, in a bad way, all over again.
*Welcome to the “dead” of Winter. We’re in that annual, uncomfortable sports purgatory between things that matter.
The humiliation of the Cowboys’ last season is beginning its slow thaw into hope for next season. The Dallas Mavericks are just awakening from their week-long, All-Star break slumber. The Texas Rangers are at Spring Training in Arizona, but only this afternoon will start keeping score in glorified scrimmages.
DFW’s next meaningful game won’t arrive until March 28, when the Rangers open defense of their title. The Mavericks are trending toward playoff games, but not until mid-April.
What to do, what to do? Since I prioritize any activity over my taxes, let’s take a stab at fixing sports.
Rules are made not to be broken, but periodically tweaked.
Genesis: Last week Dallas star golfer Jordan Spieth was disqualified from a PGA tournament for signing an inaccurate scorecard. You heard me. A sport that boasts Geek-Squad technology able to instantly calculate the revolutions per second of golf ball hit at 200 mph also makes its players sign – with a pencil, no less – a scorecard at the end of each round. While they’re at it, why not have an Abacus handy to tally the strokes?
Nonsense. Going forward, let’s have an official scorer armed with an iPad walk with each group and record players’ scores after each hole. Simple. Solved.
While we’re at it, let’s get rid of …
NFL – Archaic chain gangs (you’re in, technology) … Coin toss (there were two in the Super Bowl!; home team gets choice) … Defensive players running 60 yards into the opposite end zone to celebrate a turnover (15 yards, unsportsmanlike conduct) ... Quarterback slides (Josh Allen is bigger and Lamar Jackson is faster than linebackers; outside the pocket they should be tackled).
NBA – 3-Point Contest (rather see a $1 million free-throw knockout contest, since the 15-footer at a 10-foot rim is the only “skill” that hasn’t been irrationally enabled by lax rules) … Slam Dunk Contest (rather watch Luka Doncic and Steph Curry play H-O-R-S-E) … Slapping hands with teammates after a missed free throw (why?!).
MLB – Nothing (if the Rangers finally won the World Series, sport ain’t broke).
College Basketball – Possession arrow (jump balls aren’t that difficult, are they?).
Tennis – Scoring (technology relieved us of inconsistent human linespeople, now let’s turn 15-Love into something sensical like 1-0).
Hockey/Soccer – Offsides (imagine a sport so Neanderthal that it would prohibit CeeDee Lamb or LeBron James from catching a pass without two defenders between them and the goal).
College Football – Every bowl game not part of the playoff (you’re welcome).
Transfer Portal – Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. You think I have all the answers?
*When do we start believing the Mavs are for real, or at least really improved? Now, right? With Luka and Kyrie combining for 70 points, they beat the Phoenix Suns to win their seventh in a row Thursday night. Make it 5-0 since the trades for Daniel Gafford and P.J. Washington on Feb. 8. If nothing else, they have the tiebreaker edge on Phoenix come playoff time.
*Well, that didn’t take long. First time on the field this Spring Training and Rangers’ third baseman Josh Jung suffered a calf injury that will sideline him 2-3 weeks. But before you start the doom and gloom and rattle off how difficult it is to defend a title, remember just how long the baseball season is. It’s mid-February. A year ago it wasn’t until mid-October until we realistically thought the Rangers had a chance to win the World Series. Bottom line: See ya in eight months.
*Took my Big Brothers Big Sisters lil’ bro Ja to a day at a fire station last weekend, to see if he might like being a first responder out of high school. He did indeed. And what’s not to like?
Work 48 hours, then get four days off. Starting salary around $65,000. No college degree required. Great benefits. And, sure enough, they still slide down the pole old-school when the alarm sounds.
Oh yeah, but there is that little detail about facing life and death – yours or somebody else’s – on a regular basis. I couldn’t do it, but I sure am glad there are those that do.
*So Johnny “Goofball” Manziel is now admitting that his father tried to negotiate a “secret agreement” with Texas A&M that would have paid the family $3 million if he persuaded his son to not turn pro and instead return to AggieLand for his junior season in 2014? Fascinating. Just as interesting, where was this tidbit in the supposedly “tell all” Netflix documentary?
*Unfortunately, we've all grown numb to things like news of another mass shooting, warnings about climate change, or those pesky signs alerting us to speed limit laws. Perhaps we pause, but quickly resume "life." But you want to stop America in its tracks? Something that will cause us to take pause, and then action? Screw with our precious smartphones. Thursday morning a nationwide "cellular outage" threw us - re: me! - into a panic.
*Hot.
*Not.
*Despite their glaring lack of production, the Cowboys remain more profitable and popular than ever. Sportico this week ranked them as the world's most valuable sports franchise at $9.2 billion. And attendance figures released by the NFL reveal that a league-leading 1.37 million fans watched games inside AT&T Stadium in 2023. The Jets (1.28) and Giants (1.26) were next. That's a combined four million fans and zero playoff wins. Ouch.
*Expounding on my promise that Emmitt Smith’s NFL rushing record won’t be broken in our lifetime, neither will another local hero’s mark: Nolan Ryan’s career strikeouts.
Ryan struck out his last batter – No. 5,714 – at age 46 in 1993. With the specialization in today’s game (see: “bullpen” starts), no way anyone’s approaching that number. Next closest active pitcher, in fact, is a Ranger. Max Scherzer is 11th on the all-time list with 3,367. He’s also 40, and had back surgery in December.
At only 24 (until next week) and with 10,000 points and averaging 34 per game this season, you’d like to think Luka could someday become the NBA’s all-time leading scorer. Problem: The current record-holder is still playing and closing in on 40,000 while averaging 24 himself. Damn you, 39-year-old LeBron James.
In a related story, pretty sure legendary DFW golfer Byron Nelson’s record 18 PGA tournament wins – including 11 consecutive – in a single season (1945) is safe, too. Forever.
*Some things just defy explanation: I know a 63-year-old man that is highly educated. Multiple degrees. Classically trained musician. “Highly Gifted” IQ of around 145 (average is 100). Worked at Lockheed helping design Stealth fighters. But here’s the rub: He’s a common-sense doofus. Example: He hasn’t the first clue about how to use a credit card to pay for gas at the pump.
“I’ve just never done it,” he said. “I always pay with cash. Where does the card go?” True story.
*Yes, the NBA All-Star Game was wholly unwatchable. At the same time, however, it was watched by 11.6 million. Viewership was somehow up 20 percent from a year ago. You get much more intensity and defense at a pickup game down at the YMCA. But people, apparently, are infatuated with the sheer skill of the best players on the planet. Guilty.
*A year ago at this time the Rangers were 50-1 longshots to win the World Series. Surely their odds have shrunk in light of being defending champs. Yes, but … At 14-1, Texas has only the fifth-best odds behind the Dodgers, Braves, Astros and Yankees.
*To no one’s surprise, the same folks (I’m looking at you, Alabama, and large swaths of Texas) who refuse to believe in Transgender rights are now convinced “life” begins with a frozen embryo.
*Hey, we landed on the Moon. But ... 1969?
*There are football “lifers.” And then there is Wade Phillips. At age 76 – and 15 years removed from his last NFL head coaching job in the NFL with the Cowboys – Phillips is still kickin’ it on the sidelines. This Spring he’s set to be head coach for the San Antonio Brahmas of the United Football League. Wade got his first job coaching football as a graduate assistant at the University of Houston in … 1969??
*CBS is gloating that 123 million viewers watched Super Bowl LVIII on TV, and a combed 200 million tuned in across its various networks and platforms. Most-watched American TV broadcast since the Apollo 11 Moon landing in 1969. Impressive. Until, that is, you remember that the 2022 World Cup soccer final drew an audience of 1.5 … billion.
*This “war cry” by a boys school during a rugby game in South Africa gives me both goosebumps and hope. Imagine an America in which everyone pulled the same rope in the same direction? The passion. The diversity. The unity. It’s just like “Midnight Yell Practice” at A&M. Except for the … you know.
*This Weekend? Friday let’s drive a new friend to the airport. Saturday let’s hang out with old friends on a patio. Sunday let’s play tennis in surprisingly splendid February weather. As always, don’t be a stranger.
