The updated Power Rankings arrive on Wednesday. But first, the Sour Rankings take a spin through the worst of the past week in the NFL …
Honorable mention: Lou Holtz. Bonus Sour Rankings contender this week from former Notre Dame head coach/current ESPN analyst Lou Holtz, who delivered this gem:
This is like an audio Rorschach test -- everyone hears something different.
Here's what I got: "Well wha-what I don't got [giggle] they bring the head comb!"
10. Khalil Mack and Carson Palmer all tied up: No idea how this actually happened, but at one point Sunday Mack and Palmer managed to get their cleats so tangled that they could not pull their feet apart. That's a new one.
9. Gene Steratore making those ref jokes easy: There was a brief delay during Sunday's Cincinnati-Indianapolis game because referee Gene Steratore's contact lens fell out. Commence "the ref is blind" remarks:
8. Maybe keep Kai Forbath away from Jason Hatcher: Forbath hit a game-winning field goal for Washington on Sunday. Good thing, too, because here's what Hatcher was thinking as Forbath lined up the kick, via CSN Washington: "You better make it or I’m gonna kill you. Because that’s all you’ve got to do is kick the ball." Go on ...
“And then when it goes through the uprights?” the reporter asked.
“He OK,” Hatcher said. “He allowed back in the locker room.”
“And you’re being honest, that’s not a joke?” Carlin asked.
“I’m not lying,” Hatcher said. “I’m not lying.”
Between this and the report that one teammate shouted to another, "You just kick the ball!" inside Chicago's tense postgame locker room, it was not the friendliest of days for the special teamers.
7. Sean Payton's press conference: New Orleans' head coach was understandably miffed after the Saints turned a late 13-point lead into a one-point loss in Detroit. And the reporters in his postgame press conference paid the price.
"Next question," Payton barked after answering one inquiry. "Next smart question."
A few seconds later he told a reporter to "be quiet. I'm answering the question. Be quiet. You asked a question, I'm answering, can you let me finish?"
6. Sam Rosen's rough start: There was nowhere to go but up for FOX play-by-play guy Sam Rosen after he introduced Sunday's matchup between the Green Bay Packers and Carolina ... uh ... Hurricanes?
"Welcome to beautiful Lambeau Field! The Green Bay Packers returning home, they are tied for the division lead," Rosen said. "And they take on a Carolina Hurricanes team that's leading their division." (Watch the video here)
A possible explanation for the gaffe: Rosen called the New York Rangers-Carolina Hurricanes matchup last Thursday.
5. A messy Lambeau Leap: I'll admit it. I have watched the following way too many times, mainly in hopes of figuring what exactly flies out of a fan's hand and splatters the top of Randall Cobb's jersey.
Here's my guess: cheese curd. Look, A) Considering we are talking about a Packers game, that answer would be most appropriate; and B) I'm pretty sure it was not a french fry or chicken tender.
People don't put ketchup on cheese curds, do they? Is it marinara sauce? Some other Lambeau Field concoction that I don't even know about? Regardless, it's a step down from the occasional beer showers that Packers players receive when they make the Lambeau Leap ... but probably still a step up from, say, melted cheese or relish.
4. A-Rod and Tony Romo: In just about any other Cowboys season, QB Tony Romo nearly running over Alex Rodriguez on his way out to the field would have been the GIF that launched a thousand (a million?) jokes. There's not as much to say with Dallas sitting on a 6-1 record ...
... except that Rodriguez showed more range there than he has in the field since, like, 2008.
3. Darnell Dockett trolls Oakland fans: The Raiders dropped to 0-6 with a loss Sunday to the Arizona Cardinals. And Dockett, who is out for the season with an ACL injury, did not pass up an opportunity to remind the Oakland faithful of their team's struggle.
Dockett later had this to say about his interaction with the crowd:
Raiders fans threw coins and ice at us, called us every name in the book. That's what made me write the sign. — DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) October 20, 2014
2. "I'm not the Mike!": Tony Romo walked up to the line, pointed out Giants linebacker Jameel McClain and informed his linemen that McClain was the MIKE on the play -- QBs do this pre-snap to help set their team's blocking assignments.
This time, though, McClain responded.
Love those on-field microphones.
1. Peyton Manning's "keep away" celebration: The Broncos celebrated Peyton Manning's record-setting 509th career touchdown in perfectly Peyton fashion, which is to say in a kinda funny, kinda nerdy way. Manning's teammates -- Emmanuel Sanders, Julius Thomas and Wes Welker -- played keep away with the ball used for the historic moment, before finally handing it over to Manning on the sideline.
Demaryius on the keep-away game after 509: "[Peyton] actually planned it." Busted. — Lindsay Jones (@bylindsayhjones) October 20, 2014
It's true: I saw them do it during stretch period during practice on Friday. Manning was in the middle of it. — Lindsay Jones (@bylindsayhjones) October 20, 2014
So not only did Manning orchestrate the entire thing, but also he made the Broncos practice it. Weak.
The counter-argument, of course, is that if you throw 510 touchdown passes in the NFL you can do whatever the crap you want.