The updated Power Rankings arrive on Wednesday. But first, the Sour Rankings take a spin through the worst of the past week in the NFL …
10. Pregame parachutist vs. the Lions' bench
On the Sunday night pregame show, NBC's Rodney Harrison chastised the Lions for not having Matthew Stafford's back following a late hit. But that wasn't the only time Sunday there were some shenanigans on the Detroit sideline.
The closest Lion to the fray was starting guard Larry Warford, who has already dealt with a high ankle sprain this season.
“He had a chute malfunction,” Lions cornerback Rashean Mathis told ESPN.com of the parachuter. “You could see him before, probably less than 10 seconds before he hit the ground you could see he was trying to get his chute to turn and it wouldn’t turn. He pulled on it a couple times. ... He saved it great. We were looking at him coming this way.”
9. The Rex effect
Buffalo fans came out in full force Sunday, and they brought their homemade signs with them. There were numerous posters with the now-infamous Tom Brady courtroom sketch. There also a woman carrying a "Hey Tom, Deflate These" message, with two arrows pointing to her ... well, use your imagination.
And there was this:
8. Von Miller rubs it in
During a Thursday night Denver win, Miller blew through Kansas City tight end Travis Kelce for a sack. Miller then reminded Kelce of the play a few hours later, on Twitter.
7. Cam Newton + boom mic = love
Do you really love the microphone, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Following Manziel's three-turnover relief appearance in Week 1, Hoge, an ESPN analyst and former NFL player, suggested that the Browns "cut bait" with their second-year quarterback. It was the latest in a long line of criticism Hoge has lobbed Manziel's way.
Manziel turned the one-sided debate into more of a back and forth last week, responding to a question about Hoge's comments by saying, "I think Merrill Hoge needs to worry about his big neckties more than anything." And Hoge then told ESPN Cleveland he would wear an orange and black tie if Manziel played well and won in Week 2.
Manziel did just that, and his agent made sure Hoge noticed.
5. The dumbest penalty of the week
Congrats, Olivier Vernon.
The Dolphins and Jaguars were tied at 20 late in the fourth quarter when Vernon was flagged for a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. That flag turned a third-and-5 for the Jaguars—and, potentially, a long field goal attempt—into a first down at Miami's 19. Three plays later, Jacksonville hit a chip shot for a 23–20 win.
As is Twitter tradition, the reactions were very kind and understanding.
Olivier Vernon is dead to me. Get him & Lamar Miller off my team!! And this from a Canes fan.— CBStacy (@CBStacy) September 21, 2015
.@oliviervernon50 lemme know where Jags fans can send you bouquets of flowers and thank you cards for being an idiot 😘😘😘😘😘😘— med (@med11n) September 21, 2015
@oliviervernon50 thanks for ruining another game, chump!— David Henry (@amcdave) September 21, 2015
4. Donnie Jones gets decked
It could not get much worse for Donnie Jones, at least. Not only did Philadelphia's punter have his attempt rejected, he then was leveled while trying to chase down Kyle Wilber.
3. The Jay Cutler-iest moment
Injuries are nothing to take lightly, so it is with some reservation that we drop this moment on the Sour Rankings. But Cutler hurting himself trying to make a tackle during a pick-six return is about as Emo Jay Cutler as it gets.
The Bears announced that Cutler had suffered a hamstring injury, even though the evidence seemed to suggest something shoulder-related. Either way, he did not return to the Sunday's Chicago loss.
2. Marcus Mariota gets Charlie Brown'd
Ever see one of the "Peanuts" comic strips where one of Charlie Brown's pitches get hit back at him so hard that it knocks off his clothes? Fortunately, Mariota fared better—but only slightly—on this play from Sunday's loss to the Browns (the team, not Charlie's family).
That's a lost shoe, lost helmet and lost football, if you're keeping score at home.
I have no idea.