Weekend Whimsy: Battle of the bands

Assorted light reading to power you through Friday.

After writing up Jamaal Bass' indictment for an on-field assault on two Toledo band members, we fell into discussion on the merits of marching band instruments as weapons. We received many compelling arguments:

@SIHolly I'm biased b/c I played it ... but baritone is my choice. Heavy, yet handheld (easy to swing). I accidentally chipped a tooth once.
— Patrick Southern (@patricksouthern) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Also, the brass is far more dense than in a trombone or a trumpet or mellophone. And yes, I'm actually thinking critically here.
— Patrick Southern (@patricksouthern) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly TYPICAL HORN SNOBBERY. Clearly, marching bands are kept safe only by their auxiliaries, esp. rifles and sabres.
— Kristen Nichols (@kristenwnichols) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Worth noting: With overzealous muting, a trombone could be used as a sort of blowgun.
— Dr. ACME Sales Rep., Ph.D. (@ACMESalesRep) March 20, 2012