Two seasons ago, the Seattle Seahawks hosted the New England Patriots at CenturyLink Field. Both teams entered the game with identical 3-2 records, but they were hardly equals. The Seahawks were starting an undersized rookie quarterback named Russell Wilson, and the Patriots were the Patriots. Seattle won that game, 24-23, and Richard Sherman grabbed the opportunity to trash-talk Tom Brady as he left the field.
Now, over two years later, Brady and Sherman will be on the same field again, this time in the Super Bowl. The times have certainly changed. The Patriots’ Deflategate scandal, Russell Wilson’s tears and four interceptions, and Bill Belichick’s ever-evolving outfits have forever changed the trash-talking landscape.
So, to keep you updated, here’s your official guide to Super Bowl trash-talking.
If you’re a Seahawks fan or player, this is the most obvious topic to hit leading up to the Super Bowl. If you’ve been living under a rock, here’s what you need to know: The Patriots are facing allegations of using deflated footballs in the AFC Championship Game.
If you’re a Seahawks fan, try to reference the deflated footballs as much as possible. Bonus points for any innuendo referring to this press conference. If you’re a Seahawks player and you happen to intercept an errant Tom Brady pass, might I suggest some sort of special celebration that pays tribute to the Patriots scandal, like I don’t know, pretending to pump up the ball with more air or trying to weigh the ball with an imaginary scale.
If you’re a Patriots fan who wants to make fun of Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, you’ve got some options. You could pull out the imaginary crying face when the Patriots score a touchdown against the Seahawks, but let’s face it: Wilson being brought to tears after his game-winning touchdown pass was actually pretty cool. You want to be funny, not a monster.
Another option is to pull the God card. After the NFC Championship Game, a game that saw Wilson throw four interceptions, Wilson had this to say to Peter King about his four picks:
“That’s God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special.”
If Wilson throws an interception in the Super Bowl, that’s your cue.
Bill Belichick’s fashion choices
This was Bill Belichick’s outfit for the AFC Championship Game.
You can take it from here.
Cal vs. Stanford
Both Doug Baldwin and Richard Sherman played at Stanford. Meanwhile, the Patriots’ Shane Vereen played at Cal. If Sherman and Baldwin are looking for any extra material, there’s always this: Stanford has won the last five Big Games. Of course, Vereen was on the Cal team that last beat Stanford, so he can always counter with that.
If you’re a Patriots fan and a Cal graduate, don’t worry — you can always throw up those three rings. While you’re at it, go ahead and remind those Seahawks fans where Beast Mode first started.
Tom Brady claims he didn’t even hear Richard Sherman’s verbal assault back in 2012. Regardless, I can think of nothing better — in terms of trash-talking — than to see Tom Brady throw a touchdown to Sherman’s receiver and a “You mad bro?” during the ensuing celebration.
I’m afraid if that happens the Internet might break, but it would be worth it.
Sean Wagner-McGough is a writer for Next Impulse Sports