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The 34 funniest David Ortiz photos of all time, ranked

From the locker room to the red carpet, a look at David Ortiz's 34 all-time funniest photos.

In this week's issue of Sports Illustrated, Tom Verducci speaks with David Ortiz about retirement, steroids and the state of baseball. ​To honor Big Papi in his final season, we searched our photo archives and social media to capture the 34 funniest photos ever taken of No. 34. Enjoy!

34. Long Hair, Don't Care

Someone had fun at Fan Appreciation Day.


33. Paging the Fashion Police

Let's be clear: No one should ever wear shiny blue shoes. But if one person can pull it off, it's Ortiz.


32. Mariners Shower Ortiz With Love

On his final visit to Seattle, David Ortiz was greeted/roasted by Nelson Cruz, Felix Hernandez and Robinson Cano. Seattle gifted the Red Sox slugger with a framed copy of his first professional contract (he started his career in the Mariners organization). 


31. I Love It When You Call Me Big Papi

Ortiz kicked off the 2015 season in style, sporting a Notorious B.I.G. T-shirt when he arrived at Red Sox spring training in Fort Myers. 


30. Champagne Shower

A young Ortiz celebrates Minnesota's division win with champagne. Poor Bert Blyleven.


29. Three Lines, 2 Chainz, One Goal

On their way to the 2013 World Series, the Red Sox embraced the "Three Lines, 2 Chainz, One Goal" motto, which comes from the 2 Chainz song I'm Different. The team would blast it in the locker room after wins and, Ortiz donned this shirt during the team's duck boat parade to celebrate the title.


28. Urban Cowboy

Ortiz would've made Tom Landry proud when he donned a Stetson cowboy hat—a farewell gift from the Houston Astros—earlier this season. Surprisingly, it has not been seen since.


27. Meeting Stephen Curry

Stephen Curry, a proud Red Sox fan, made time to catch an Astros-Red Sox game during a trip to Houston. He also visited the locker room, where a photographer caught him about to go all WWE on Big Papi.

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26. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Imagine the 6-foot-3, 230-pound Ortiz coming down your chimney to deliver Christmas gifts.


25. Celebration Time

Ortiz was the life of the party after the Sox swept Colorado to capture the 2007 World Series.


24. I'm Going to Disneyworld!

Pedro Martinez deserves his own gallery of funny photos, but for now this shot of the two Red Sox legends in Disney World should suffice. It was taken after Boston's 2004 World Series victory.


23. Showing The Love

Ortiz embraces fellow Dominican Julian Tavarez during a photo shoot for the 2006 World Baseball Classic.


22. Famous As...

Another gem from the David Ortiz T-shirt collection.


21. The Next Ortiz

​Big Papi gives some batting tips to young son, D'Angelo.


20. Big In Japan

Ortiz is joined by Huston Street, Billy Beane, Gene Orza and Japanese officials as they break the cap of Sake during a welcoming party before the official start of the 2008 MLB season. Bonus points for the glasses and slicked back hair.


19. Excited Papi

Safe to say Ortiz was excited when Hanley Ramirez hit a three-run homer to defeat the Yankees in September 2016.


18. Paying His Respects

Ortiz shows respect for teammate Hideki Okajima after a 2007 victory over the Giants.


17. That Poor Phone

No one was laughing when a frustrated Ortiz broke the dugout phone during a 2013 game against Baltimore. But the joke was on Ortiz when the Orioles presented him with the broken phone on his last career visit to Camden Yards in September 2016.


16. Welcome To The Gun Show

If you got them, flaunt them. Ortiz shows off the guns after defeating Cleveland in the 2007 ALCS. Wife Tiffany is clearly impressed.


15. Real Men Wear Pink

Ortiz shows off his style during the 2013 All-Star Game parade in New York City.


14. Real Men Wear Pink (Again)

Papi got plenty of use from his pink pants, sporting them again in an interview late in the 2013 season.


13. Two Legends. One Photo.

The two most famous Boston athletes of this generation pose for a selfie.


12. T-shirt Says It All

Ortiz and son D'Angelo enjoy a stroll during spring training in February 2012.


11. Man's Best Friend

What happens when you mix a large athlete and a tiny dog? One great photo.


10. Look Behind You!

A clueless Ortiz has no idea he's being photobombed by Pablo Sandoval during Photo Day in February 2016.


9. Presidential Selfie

Thousands of athletes have visited the White House over the years, but few have made the president pose for a selfie. And no one was happier about this photo than Samsung.


8. Poppin' Bottles

It takes a big bottle of champagne to satisfy Big Papi's thirst.


7. Crying Over Spilled Milk

Poor Coco Crisp received a milk shower during this 2008 SI photo shoot.


6. Ortiz And His Bobblehead

Had to bust out a GIF to really appreciate Ortiz and his bobblehead counterpart. 


5. Ortiz Meets His Lego Alter-Ego

How many Legos does it take to make one David Ortiz? In this case, it took 34,510 and 290 hours. The only major difference is the weight. Ortiz in Lego weighs 170 pounds. In real life that number is a wee-bit higher.


4. Pregame Stretch

Let's face it, some people just aren't built to touch their own toes. Ortiz is one of those.


3. Little Papi

Before he was a Red Sox legend, Ortiz was just another kid in the Dominican Republic with a dream of playing pro baseball. This card was part of Topps' 2010 "Before They Were Stars" collection.


2. All Gassed Up

Baseball bonding at its best.

1. Luckiest Baby Ever

In one of the funnier moments of the 2013 season, Ortiz was holding a fan's baby for a photo when the national anthem was about to start. Rather than return him to his parents, Ortiz held the baby close to his heart for the entire anthem.