Hollywood To You/Star Max/GC Images

This ain’t it, chief. 

By Dan Gartland
March 08, 2019

I don’t think this is going to work

I didn’t expect to be leading this column twice in three days with Jay Glazer, but his idea for fixing the NFL is too absurd not to mention. 

Everyone can agree that NFL officiating is a mess. Part of what made the controversial no-call on Rams’ Nickell Robey-Coleman during the NFC Championship Game in New Orleans so frustrating is that it wasn’t exactly surprising. We’re used to seeing teams get screwed, whether by gross negligence or an overly cumbersome rulebook. 

Glazer, though, has figured out how to fix it. Fire everybody and replace them with troops. Seriously. Here’s what he wrote in a mailbag column for The Athletic:

Here is MY solution to the officiating problem, as off the wall and out of left field as it sounds, I truly believe in the craziness that I’m about to give you. Here’s the solution: change out the officiating department and hire all new officials, all combat veterans special operation backgrounds. Go hire a bunch of Navy SEALs, Marine Recon, Delta Force, those guys.

Think about it. They’ll be in the shape to be in better position. They literally can react faster than the rest of the world, even when bullets are flying. They can react quicker than anyone else when something happens on that field.

Also, coaches will be a little less inclined to rip into them out on the sidelines. It’s harder to go yell at a Navy SEAL if coaches are upset about a call. Again, their reaction time is better than everyone else’s.

That’s obviously ridiculous. While combat veterans surely have impressive reaction times, they’re certainly not superhuman. Even if they did have superhero-level reflexes, that’s hardly the most important part of being a referee. There’s a reason most NFL officials are lawyers during the week. The rulebook is more complicated than the Constitution. 

Glazer’s idea is basically the same as this unforgettable tweet:

Glazer does good work for ex-military members with the Merging Vets & Players organization that he co-founded. I also doubt he seriously believes this, because he’s smart enough to realize it’s not a good idea (or even feasible, given the officials’ union) to fire every official at once. Remember what happened the last time NFL refs were replaced en masse? The only upside I see is that, with Ed Hochuli retired, the NFL’s zebras could use a little more muscle. 

While you were sleeping, everyone thought Antonio Brown was going to the Bills

After months of trying to force his way out of Pittsburgh, it seemed late last night like Antonio Brown was headed to Buffalo. 

But all through the night, various people threw cold water on the idea, mostly because it didn’t sound like Brown wanted to play for the Bills.

 

Then, less than eight hours after Ian Rapoport first reported a deal was close, Bills GM Brandon Beane said it wasn’t going to happen.

Any Buffalo fans who went to bed at a decent hour probably woke up having missed the whole thing. 

Are you serious?

You don’t get to complain about a swing if it results in a hole-in-one. I’d say he hit it just fine. 

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Email dan.gartland@simail.com with any feedback or follow me on Twitter for approximately one half-decent baseball joke per week. Bookmark this page to see previous editions of Hot Clicks and find the newest edition every day. By popular request I’ve made a Spotify playlist of the music featured here. Visit our Extra Mustard page throughout each day for more offbeat sports stories.

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HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)