Week 9 NFL Picks: Mustard Style

Before we jump into the picks, let's have a quick moment of silence for the fans in Houston and Cleveland who won't be able to watch the Pats-Colts game on Sunday. If Roger Goodell finds a flaming bag of poop on his doorstep it's safe to assume somebody from one of those two cities is responsible. On the plus side, the plight of those fans presents a great opportunity for DirecTV. All they need to do is put cameras in the homes of Houston residents and they can make the footage of bored Texans fans their new advertising campaign for NFL Sunday Ticket. It can't fail. As always, feel free to pass off these picks as your own.

Denver at Detroit (-3): Jason Elam doesn't see what the big deal is with Jon Kitna's Halloween costume. The Broncos kicker constantly dresses up as a nude Mike Shanahan, sometimes even when it's not Halloween. Pick: Denver

Carolina at Tennessee (-4): On Tuesday John Fox went into his office and asked his most trusted offensive assistant if he should start David Carr in Tennessee. "All signs point to yes" the Magic 8-Ball replied. Pick: Tennessee

Washington at New York Jets (+3.5): There are already numerous questions swirling around new Jets starter Kellen Clemens. Is he ready to take over the Jets offense? Can he be effective if Laveranues Coles misses the game with a concussion? Most importantly, what's his take on the plan to give driver's licenses to New York's illegal immigrants? Pick: Washington

San Francisco at Atlanta (-3.5): This week the NFL fined Joe Nedney $7,500 for making an obscene gesture to a fan, and the Falcons fined DeAngelo Hall $50,000 for making critical comments about the team cutting Grady Jackson. The lesson? It's better to give somebody the finger than use words to talk about the problem. Pick: Atlanta

Jacksonville at New Orleans (-3): The last time these teams met the game had a wild finish involving Aaron Brooks, Donte Stallworth, numerous laterals and a missed extra point. You can't watch the video without feeling a little nostalgia for the hilariously tragic tenure of Jim Haslett. Pick: New Orleans

Green Bay at Kansas City (+1): After last week's broadcast of Monday Night Deanna Favre,Anna Benson was kicking herself for not trying harder to marry the Packers star quarterback. Pick: Kansas City

Arizona at Tampa Bay (-3.5): Jeff Garcia seems to be developing a troubling knack for committing costly turnovers. Should he make another big mistake this week he already has Scott Boras lined up to distract everybody with an important mid-game announcement. Pick: Tampa Bay

Cincinnati at Buffalo (+1): Here's J.P. Losman on last week's touchdown pass to Lee Evans: "Lee and I have a certain type of chemistry, a certain type of togetherness. It's very, very special, especially when it happens with Lee." Awww. Isn't that sweet? Maybe if Carson Palmer took the time to let Chad Johnson know how much he cares about him Ocho Cinco wouldn't get so grumpy after Bengals losses. Pick: Cincinnati

San Diego at Minnesota (+7): Losing is always hard, but the Vikings haven't let the team's struggles affect their interactions with fans. The players say the key is that whenever they go out in public most of them just pretend to be Adrian Peterson. Pick: San Diego

Seattle at Cleveland (-1): Charlie Frye returns to Cleveland for the first time since opening week and I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out the Browns are 4-3. Yes Charlie, that Derek Anderson is second in the league in touchdowns. Still, the Browns' four victories have come against teams with a combined record of 6-24. That's not good for their BCS rating. Pick: Seattle

New England at Indianapolis (+5): What more is there to say about this matchup? The game is so big that Iraqi insurgents and U.S. troops agreed on a brief cease-fire so they can all watch the game in peace. Pick: New England

Houston at Oakland (-3): In the "other" 4:15 game, Daunte Culpepper and Matt Schaub are out; Josh McCown and Sage Rosenfels are in. My head hurts just thinking about that. Speaking of pain, is there a worse thing to be doing on Sunday than working at a Raiders concession stand? Those guys deserve some sort of hazardous work bonus for risking their sanity in a half-empty stadium at the same time the Pats and Colts are playing. Pick: Oakland

Dallas at Philadelphia (+3.5): There were reports that Tony Romo was at a nightclub receiving a lap dance from Britney Spears, but the Cowboys quarterback claims he wasn't partying with her. Romo says he always makes sure to "leave Britney alone." Pick: Dallas

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-9.5): Instead of getting candy, trick-or-treaters who knocked on Ray Lewis' door were handed press-releases detailing Lewis' latest complaints about Brian Billick's play calling. Pick: Baltimore

Last Week: 6-7Season: 58-49-8Got something to say to Eric? E-mail him at extramustardnflpicks@gmail.com