Nestled deep inside the Internets, wisely hidden from women and small children, lives a game so treacherous and trying that it borders on the movie version of
Folks, let's talk about the
Years ago, a wise man -- perhaps Einstein -- decided that Musburger's catch phrases and in-game mannerisms could be interesting fodder for a drinking game. And right he was.
But since then, the game has mutated into
So with the Big 12 Championship Game looming, I've taken it upon myself to save the BMDG from extinction by creating a standard set of easy-to-follow rules and revisions. And though I CANNOT claim most as my own original ideas, you probably won't care after one half of debauchery. That is, if you're still alive.
- Says the word "FOLKS"
- Is shown on camera
- Uses the word "FIRES!" instead of "THROWS" on a pass play (Be advised: Musburger says this on nearly every pass play)
- Recites the hometown or high school of a player
- Utters the phrase "IN THE COLLEGE GAME" (i.e. -- "Pass interference is a 15-yard penalty IN THE COLLEGE GAME")
- Says the phrase "LOOKING FOR DAYLIGHT"
- Invents a special nickname for a player (i.e., in 2003 Kansas State running back
- References the title sponsor of the specific broadcast (Saturday's sponsor is Dr. Pepper)
- Musburger references another football conference (or any of its teams, players, or coaches) and you correctly name every mascot of said conference before anyone else in your party
- Musburger says "BIG FELLA" (Loser of said wrestling match must finish his drink)
- Yells the phrase "IT'S A FOOT RACE" in the midst of a long run towards the goal line
- Calls out "TOUCHDOWN" before a player actually scores
To steal a line from
As I've mentioned countless times in this space, it's almost as if the entire season is being ad-libbed from week to week with no concrete ending in mind. And while it seems like we're inventing new ways to kill this system every single season, we may just be too befuddled with its current state to derive any new doomsday formulas. That said, there are two potentially curious situations that could slug the BCS a few more times in the chin:
Why would this hurt the BCS? Well, it defies television ratings. You all know this system is driven by ratings, right? You think Average Joe Fan is re-arranging his Monday evening to watch a West Virginia-Missouri finale? I don't. Reruns of
If the top two teams were to lose, that could pave the way for No. 4 Georgia to back its way into the BCS Championship despite, yes, falling short of its own conference championship. Nothing against the Dawgs -- they're playing as well as anyone right now -- but it defies logic that they'd still have a shot at the national championship. Mind you, this is not unprecedented (see 2001 Nebraska and 2003 Oklahoma), but that still doesn't make it right.
I was shocked -- DUMBFOUNDED, BAMBOOZLED, FLABBERGASTED -- to learn that Florida wunderkind
However, let's not get carried away. Upon further review, could there be a secret genetic connection between Tebow and
To quote LSU coach
In other news,
It's not surprising that ESPN would assign an announcer with superhuman powers to liven up last Saturday's game between Notre Dame and Stanford. But none of us had any clue that
Late in the game, Stanford quarterback
Here's a question for you to ponder: Does anyone really believe that recording artists are singing (or even playing) their own music on those holiday parade floats? I mean, really. In one helping of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I witnessed Lifehouse bassist