Celtics center Shaquille O'Neal appears in the first episode of the new Web series, Double Take. To promote the show, O'Neal spoke to me about all things comedy:
SI.com: I have to start by asking you about Shaqeeta.
O'Neal: Shaqeeta is my twin sister that only comes out at Halloween. She was just there to make you laugh.
SI.com: Will we see Shaqeeta again?
O'Neal. No, never. Shaqeeta's done.
SI.com: Who is the funniest player in the NBA?
O'Neal: Kevin Garnett.
SI.com: Why him?
O'Neal: Because he's real.
SI.com: Your Celtic teammates, Nate Robinson and Rajon Rondo, have been playing some good pranks on you, like giving you salt water and tackling you in hotel hallways. Are you planning revenge?
O'Neal: Yes, working on it. Working on it right now. I'm gonna catch Nate Robinson when he's sleeping.
SI.com: Is Robinson funny?
O'Neal: Nate is really funny. Actually, this whole team is funny. The characters are Big Baby [Glen Davis], Nate and K.G.
SI.com: Big Baby starred in a hit YouTube video where he did the Dougie. Have you seen it?
O'Neal: Yeah. You know what's funny about that? Regular people know it as the Dougie. The people who watch sports think it's the John Wall Dance. I have no idea who Dougie is, but hopefully he's getting paid because if not, he's the worst businessman ever. If Antonie Dodson can get paid, then Dougie should be getting paid.
SI.com: What's the best prank you've ever been apart of?
O'Neal: Hmm. Let me try to give you a clean version.
SI.com: Give me the dirty version.
O'Neal: Well, it wasn't really a prank, it was a game we were playing, but we set a guy's car on fire.
SI.com: When was this? Who's car?
O'Neal: I can't tell you any details. That's it.
SI.com: What's the best prank you can tell me about?
O'Neal: Best prank I pulled was on Lou Amundson in Phoenix. I took a Snickers bar, put it in some water to get it real brown and wet and put it in my hand. So came off the bench to go in the game, he had on white shorts, I rubbed it all over his shorts and said "good game, bro" So, when he was running on the court he thought he s--- himself. [Laughs loudly]
SI.com: Will you make any more albums?
O'Neal: No more albums.
SI.com: When your playing days are over, do you think you'll stay in the NBA in some way or would you go into the entertainment field?
O'Neal: Both. I think I'll have many, many options.
SI.com: Do you have a preference, TV or movies?
O'Neal: Movies. I wanna do comedy, drama and action. But nothing too serious. I wanna take over The Rock's spot. I'm gonna be the next Rock.
SI.com: If you could star in a movie and put together the cast for it, who would be in it with you?
O'Neal: Me, Denzel, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.
SI.com: I know from your Twitter feed that you're a big fan of "Yo Mamma" jokes. What's your favorite?
O'Neal: Yo Mamma is so nasty her crabs have crabs.
SI.com: Fans know you're a funny guy. Do they come at you with funny insults?
O'Neal: I hear a lot of funny stuff, but I always make sure I get the last word. Last year, when I got hurt, one guy said, "Shaq, you don't deserve that $20 million." So, I told him, "That's not what your momma said last night." You always gotta get the last word.
SI.com: You're known for having many nicknames. What is your favorite?
O'Neal: Probably the Big Aristotle because you don't really think an ebonically challenged guy like me would come with Aristotle quotes off the top of my head.
SI.com: Top five comedy movies of all time?
O'Neal: Don't Be a Menace To South Central While Drinking Juice in the Hood, Harlem Nights, Life, Me, Myself and Irene and Step Brothers.
SI.com: Favorite stand-up comedian of all time?
O'Neal: Kevin Hart.
SI.com: Favorite sitcoms/TV shows of all time?
O'Neal: Sanford & Son and In Living Color.
SI.com: Top five favorite rappers?
O'Neal: Eminem, Jay Z, Kanye West, Clipse, The Game. And off the bench is this cat from Alabama called Yelawolf. He's f------ nasty.