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Football or Flamenco? The dilemma of Monday night TV

Unlike many men I know, I am not a compulsive clicker-type person when watching television. However, this fall, on Mondays, I haven't been able to help myself:
Frank Deford|
Football or Flamenco? The dilemma of Monday night TV
Football or Flamenco? The dilemma of Monday night TV

Unlike many men I know, I am not a compulsive clicker-type person when watching television. However, this fall, on Mondays, I haven't been able to help myself: I keep switching between two shows, Monday Night Football and Dancing With The Stars -- or MNF and DWTS, as we aficionados know them. Surely this is the alpha and omega, the yin and yang, the dark and light, the heaven and hell of programming.

One second I am watching concussions, and then the next the paso doble. One second I am watching vulgar breast-beating after a sack, and then the next sweet hugs and kisses after a tango. Is this healthy, doctor?

Of course, what both shows share is competition and athleticism. Indeed, five of the dancing tournaments have been won by athletes: Kristi, Emmett, Apollo, Helio and Shawn. They just use first names in DWTS, like they do in Brazilian soccer. Two more athletes were in this fall's competition: Kurt and Rick. I think athletes make such good dancers because they are almost by definition nimble afoot, they have good stamina and they're used to taking instruction.

Both shows also have three god-like figures presiding. On MNF, it is Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworksi and Jon Gruden announcing. On DWTS, it is Len, Bruno and Carrie Ann judging.

Let me tell you, there is no contest here. The judges are so much better than the announcers. Much of the time, I can't even differentiate between Jaworski -- who is known as Jaws -- and Gruden -- who is called Coach, because everybody in sports who ever coached, if for only a day is forever known by the honorific of "coach". They just pronounce the same X's and O's gobbledygook.

But the judges on DWTS are all distinct -- and Carrie Ann is very pretty too. Len is very professorial. He wants the dancers not only to have good technique but to present themselves well. I wish Len could judge wide receivers, because they all present themselves as show-offs. Bruno is very excitable. No sports announcers are allowed to be like Bruno. He jumps up from his seat and screams, "That is wonderful!" and, "You are magnificent!" Only Howard Cosell was ever as distinctive on football as Bruno is on dancing.

Also, the dancing judges have to make decisions without benefit of instant replay. Jaws and Coach need to see stuff over and over before they are ready to pontificate. Hey, is it any easier watching a lady fox trot in high heels than a linebacker blitz in cleats?

Best of all, on DWTS, there is no scroll at the bottom of the screen and no statistics. It is nice and clean, the way sports used to be on TV.

Skating With The Stars started this Monday. I'm ready: it's third-and-long and time for a double axel.

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Frank Deford
FRANK DEFORD

Frank Deford is among the most versatile of American writers. His work has appeared in virtually every medium, including print, where he has written eloquently for Sports Illustrated since 1962. Deford is currently the magazine's Senior Contributing Writer and contributes a weekly column to SI.com. Deford can be heard as a commentator each week on Morning Edition. On television he is a regular correspondent on the HBO show Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel. He is the author of 15 books, and his latest,The Enitled, a novel about celebrity, sex and baseball, was published in 2007 to exceptional reviews. He and Red Smith are the only writers with multiple features in The Best American Sports Writing of the Century. Editor David Halberstam selected Deford's 1981 Sports Illustrated profile on Bobby Knight (The Rabbit Hunter) and his 1985 SI profile of boxer Billy Conn (The Boxer and the Blonde) for that prestigious anthology. For Deford the comparison is meaningful. "Red Smith was the finest columnist, and I mean not just sports columnist," Deford told Powell's Books in 2007. "I've always said that Red is like Vermeer, with those tiny, priceless pieces. Five hundred words, perfectly chosen, crafted. Best literary columnist, in any newspaper, that I've ever seen." Deford was elected to the National Association of Sportscasters and Sportswriters Hall of Fame. Six times at Sports Illustrated Deford was voted by his peers as U.S. Sportswriter of The Year. The American Journalism Review has likewise cited him as the nation's finest sportswriter, and twice he was voted Magazine Writer of The Year by the Washington Journalism Review. Deford has also been presented with the National Magazine Award for profiles; a Christopher Award; and journalism honor awards from the University of Missouri and Northeastern University; and he has received many honorary degrees. The Sporting News has described Deford as "the most influential sports voice among members of the print media," and the magazine GQ has called him, simply, "The world's greatest sportswriter." In broadcast, Deford has won a Cable Ace award, an Emmy and a George Foster Peabody Award for his television work. In 2005 ESPN presented a television biography of Deford's life and work, You Write Better Than You Play. Deford has spoken at well over a hundred colleges, as well as at forums, conventions and on cruise ships around the world. He served as the editor-in-chief of The National Sports Daily in its brief but celebrated existence. Deford also wrote Sports Illustrated's first Point After column, in 1986. Two of Deford's books, the novel, Everybody's All-American, and Alex: The Life Of A Child, his memoir about his daughter who died of cystic fibrosis, have been made into movies. Two of his original screenplays have also been filmed. For 16 years Deford served as national chairman of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, and he remains chairman emeritus. He resides in Westport, CT, with his wife, Carol. They have two grown children – a son, Christian, and a daughter, Scarlet. A native of Baltimore, Deford is a graduate of Princeton University, where he has taught American Studies.

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