Mavs BREAKING: Shameless Tanking Earns Dallas $750,000 Fine; 'Happy' Luka Lying?
MAVS and MORE WHITT'S END 4.14.23
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*The Dallas Mavericks were so infuriating last weekend that their hapless clown show forced a phrase I didn’t think I had in me: “Thank you, cancer.”
As a reward for beating Round 2 of Leukemia, I offered to take my 83-year-old Dad to Mavs-Bulls last Friday night at American Airlines Center. Primo parking. Seats 10 rows from the court. Hot dogs on me. The works. But that day his remission/recovery hit a temporary pothole. He didn’t feel up to going … and thank God.
Because what he would’ve witnessed was the most embarrassing and insulting game in franchise history. He can handle cancer, but not sure he could handle this.
Still alive for a chance at the NBA’s play-in tournament and a berth in the playoffs – and just 48 hours removed from one of their stars promising “it’s not over until it’s over” – the Mavs abruptly decided to throw in the towel and give up. Despite a healthy Luka Doncic and a healthy Kyrie Irving, they quit. Flat-out quit.
Luka played one quarter, but only because it was “Slovenia Night” at AAC. What we were treated to was nothing more than a glorified YMCA pick-up game with seldom-used scrubs jacking up 55 3-pointers and owner Mark Cuban sheepishly wincing as his team shot for overtime in the final seconds of the three-point defeat.
Now the NBA is ruling on the Mavs’ obvious tanking. Deservedly so.
It's a $750,000 fine, with the league saying Dallas "undermined the integrity of our sport.''
I'd hoped the league docked them a draft pick, and still wish the NBA would make them refund every penny shelled out by the crowd that night. Because what the Mavs orchestrated was not only chicken sh*t, but also a blatant affront to authentic, competitive sports.
My Dad didn’t go with me to the game. But my 16-year-old Big Brothers Big Sisters lil’ bro did. He was excited to see his favorite player – none other than Kyrie.
Air. Ball.
Thankfully, my Dad fights cancer harder than the Mavs fight for the playoffs. Shame on the Mav-wrecks for making me spend time at their game explaining to Ja – a mentee I often give motivational advice to about not giving up – why a team desperately needing to win instead tried so damn hard to lose.
Maybe in the upcoming Lottery the Mavs’ slimy strategy will win them some ping pong balls. But it’s already lost them much respect.
*We should have known Dan Snyder’s days were numbered when – at last month’s NFL meetings in Phoenix – Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones began to crowbar some distance into their relationship. Jones has long been a mentor, advocate and, yes, friend of the embattled Washington Commanders owner. But less than a month after Jones claimed their relationship “isn’t lovey-dovey,” Snyder – who will go down as one of the worst owners in the history of American sports – is reportedly selling his franchise for a record $6 billion.
*The Texas Rangers are 7-5. Haven’t been able to say that since … 2013. And they had a pitcher (Andrew Heaney) this week strike out nine consecutive batters. Haven’t been able to say that since … forever.
*Among the guys in my Spartan workout group is a 44-year-old named Ian. Born in Ireland, but moved here with his family when he was 16. So that’s 16 years in Ireland; 28 years in Dallas. Spent roughly two-thirds of his life as a Texan. Why then, does he still have an Irish accent so flinty that I beg for subtitles to understand him? I spent only a week in Ireland in 2019 and I was already beginning to sound like a native Dubliner.
*In the wake of their shameless end to the season and their almost unprecedented fall from grace, Luka attempted to calm the masses by claiming “I’m happy.” Two questions: When? And Why? At the game last week all Luka cared about during pre-game warmups was making trick shots. Throwing the ball as high in the air as possible. Attempting one-handed, back-to-the-basket heaves from half-court. It’s like he’d be just as happy performing with those “Dude Perfect” guys. While his teammates were in the layup line, he was in his own world. And, of course, on the court nobody in the NBA whines more.
Now his organization traded away two of his best friends – Boban Marjanovic and Dorian Finney-Smith – and decided that he and newbie Kyrie weren’t good enough to win a play-in game.
Happy?! Color me skeptical.
*Hot.
*Not.
*Roger Staubach or Larry Brown seems like a no-brainer. Unless, that is, you’re pondering the Cowboys’ best all-time draft pick.
*Don’t worry, I’ll be here to remind you to laugh in disdain next training camp when the Mavs to try sell you on “With stars like Luka and Kyrie anything is possible!”
*Trying to decide who’s the worse human: The road-rage driver in Grapevine that shot a woman in the neck for cutting him off in traffic? Or the 38-year-old teacher in East Dallas caught sexting with his 14-year-old student? Gross as it is, give me the teacher as the “better” person.
*Bat flips are commonplace at Rangers games. But – thanks to Cowboys Pro-Bowl kick returner KaVontae Turpin – so are back flips.
*Don’t look now, but we live in a country that goes to great lengths to ban TikTok in the name of national security but won’t lift a pinky to ban the No. 1 weapon of choice for mass murderers in the name of national security. We’re more protective of data in our cell phones than of kids in our schools.
*Last year Troy Aikman launched his Eight beer. Didn’t think much of it, honestly. The beer game is a hard one to break into. Especially for a brand sporting only one product – “healthy” beer. But what do ya know?
Aikman’s Eight is now in about 50 percent of Texas grocery stores and recently secured a second round of funding. Brewed with organic grains, antioxidant-rich hops, and no added corn syrup or sugars, Eight weighs in at 90 calories and only 2.6g of carbs. They handed it out to runners finishing the Dallas White Rock Marathon for crying out loud.
Says Aikman in a recent interview with Forbes, “We targeted this beer towards those that put in the work during the week and want to enjoy having a few beers without compromising their health and wellness.” Bravo.
*Another week, another DFW prostitution sting nabbing another – you guessed it – youth pastor.
*Bad news: Without Mavs playoff games, Spring nights are gonna be blah. Good news: Without Mavs playoff games, we’re no longer subjected to Bally’s TV announcers who “analyze” a positive play with – I’m not making this up – “Me likey! Me likey!”
*This Weekend? Friday let’s find a patio. Saturday let’s run to the airport. Sunday let’s visit the fam in JoCoMoFo. As always, don’t be a stranger.
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