Wit and Wisdom of Football

Bo Jackson

Herewith, 25 of the most funny, insightful or just plain famous quotes from the world of pro and college football: "Football is easy if you're crazy as hell."

Frank Gifford

"Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors."

Woody Hayes

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

John Heisman

"Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a young boy than to fumble this football." Honorable mention : "When in doubt, punt!"

Randy Cross

"The NFL, like life, is full of idiots."

Terrell Owens

"Get your popcorn ready ‘cause I’m gonna put on a show."

Mike Ditka

"The shoulder surgery was a success. The lobotomy failed." – on quarterback Jim McMahon

Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson

"Terry Bradshaw is so dumb he couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T." (Bradshaw’s reply: "I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.")

Alex Karras

"I never graduated college, but I was only there for two terms -- Truman’s and Eisenhower’s."

Joe Theismann

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Darrell Royal

"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad."

John Madden

" The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer." Honorable mentions: "The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break." "If you see a defense with dirt and mud on their backs, they've had a bad day."

Bruce Coslet

"We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now."

John McKay

"It’s a good idea. I’m in favor of it." – When asked what he thought of his team’s execution after a 21-0 loss to Cincinnati in 1976. Honorable mentions: "We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking." "Emotion is overrated. My wife is very emotional. She can't play football worth a damn."

Bum Phillips

"He could take his'n and beat your'n or he could take your'n and beat his'n." – About legendary Alabama head coach Bear Bryant, for whom Phillips played.

Jimmy Johnson

"How ‘bout them Cowboys?" Honorable mention:  "If I didn’t enjoy gloating so much, I wouldn’t do so many interviews."

Joe Namath

"I’ve got news for you. We’re gonna win the game. I guarantee it." – Before Super Bowl III Honorable mention: "I don't know if I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf."

Joe Jacoby

"I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl." (Raiders linebacker Matt Millen replied, "To win, I’d run over Joe’s mom, too.")

Duane Thomas

"If it’s the ultimate game, why are they playing it again next year?" – About the Super Bowl

Dick Butkus

"When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something"

Dan Fouts

"Now that I’m retired, I want to say that all defensive linemen are sissies."

Sam Rutigliano

"Al Davis is the kind of guy who would steal your eyes and then try to convince you that you looked better without them"

George Gipp

"Some time, Rock, when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they've got and win just one for the Gipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Rock. But I'll know about it, and I'll be happy. " --  Spoken on his death bed to coach Knute Rockne, who used Gipp’s plea to rally Notre Dame to a 12-6 upset of undefeated Army at Yankee Stadium on Nov. 10, 1928.

Jerry Glanville

"If you’re a pro coach, NFL stands for ‘Not for long. ’ "

Vince Lombardi

"Winning isn’t everything, but the will to win is everything." (Often stated as "Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.") Honorable mentions: "If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm."  