Seating Current and Former 49ers Coaches around the Dinner Table

If you were having people over for dinner and you were drinking some good Napa Cab, you would want to put former 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh at the head of the table.

If you were having people over for dinner and you were drinking some good Napa Cab, you would want to put former 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh at the head of the table. Harbaugh is the life of the party.

Bill Walsh would sit at the other end of the table -- the quiet end.

George Seifert and Mike Holmgren each sit at the middle of the table.

Steve Mariucci would sit at the children's table.

Kyle Shanahan and Robert Saleh also would join Mariucci at the children's table because they're on timeout for blowing the Super Bowl. It's like someone passed them the gravy boat and they spilled it all over the table cloth. They need to show they're capable of eating their food without making a mess before they're invited back to the grownup's table.

Chip Kelly doesn't get a seat at the table -- he's not invited to the dinner. He lost 13 games in a row, tied for a franchise record, so he's the valet. He's the guy you give $10 instead of $5 because he half-jogged to your car and didn't merely walk.

Jim Tomsula also doesn't get a seat at the table, either -- he's in the kitchen browning sausages and cooking spaghetti sauce. And Harbaugh refuses to eat the food Tomsula cooks because he thinks it's poisoned.

Mike Nolan is the maitre d'. He's dressed impeccably in a tailored suit with pinstripes and a napkin in his front pocket and cufflinks and shiny shoes. And he walks you to the table and gives you the menu and then walks away. He doesn't get listen to the conversation.

But I do, because I'm at the table next to Bill Walsh, because it's my house and I said so.