Tuesday November 18th, 2014

Sting stands as perhaps the most charismatic icon in the history of wrestling, and that’s mostly to do with his consistently awesome, terrifying silhouette. A 6”3 dude in a midnight trenchcoat, embalmed with white facepaint, usually stalking his prey from the rafters. The best wrestling characters can be explained in a single, efficient sentence. The Undertaker is the undead cowboy, Shawn Michaels is the heartbreak kid, and Sting is the brooding arbiter of coolness.

One of the most underrated things about Sting was his penchant of carrying a shiny black baseball bat to the ring throughout the height of his Crow period. It’s always unnerving when a character with plenty of spooky, otherworldly tendencies decides to throw out the rulebook and arm himself with something that can do long-term damage. Sting with his baseball bat will always look more threatening than Triple H and his sledgehammer, because you never got the sense that Sting really needed the bat to make his point. These days it’s hard to picture that corpse paint without his weapon of choice in tow. When he appeared at Comic Con last weekend the first thing he did was point that obsidian tip right into the crowd, it’s part of the legacy now.

Why are we telling you this? Well, the good people over at 2K Games who make the WWE 2K series have been kind enough to give us a baseball bat signed by Sting himself. Yes, the same Sting who finally aligned himself with WWE, and who is a preorder bonus for the upcoming WWE 2K15, and who I just lustfully wrote about in the first half of this blogpost. We’re going to give this bat away. We’ve been supplied with exactly one, and we will select exactly one winner. If you read the next paragraph, you’ll learn how that can be you.

It seems almost inevitable that Sting will wrestle the last match of his career in the WWE. He’s said as much on record. What we want you to do is pick your fantasy opponent for Sting, and tell us exactly how his last match will go down. We want you to geek out as much as you can, embrace your compulsive wrestling-obsessive urges, and deliver the most poetic, virtuosic, hilarious, poignant, and ideal end to Sting’s career that you can come up with. We want you to get creative, an overbearing number of details is much preferable to “Sting over Taker at Wrestlemania 31 bat pls.” Where do you post this? On the Extra Mustard Facebook page. The contest will end at 11:59 EST on Sunday, and we’ll announce the winner sometime next week.

Got it? Good! Start your pontification.

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