SI's 2015 Signs of the Apocalypse

For over 20 years, Sports Illustrated has collected and featured weekly signs from the world of sports that the Apocalypse is upon us: Tales of frenzied fans, egomaniacal coaches, athletes who run afoul of the law, mind-boggling bureaucracy, violent behavior and tastelessness run amok... Here were the signs of 2015.

Author:
SI Staff
Publish date:
Dec 30, 2015

SI's 2015 Signs of the Apocalypse

January 12, 2015 SI Issue

A German soccer team changed hotels for training camp after finding a beauty contest with 400 Russian models taking place at the same resort.

January 19, 2015 SI Issue

One of the potential jurors in the Aaron Hernandez murder trial was dismissed after he showed up in a Bruins jersey and yelled, “Go Pats!”

January 26, 2015 SI Issue

Simon Bruty for Sports Illustrated; @JohnnyNichols1/Twitter.com

Johnny Nichols, a 21-year-old Patriots fan from Waltham, Mass., had Tom Brady tattooed on his lip so the QB’s name will always be on the tip of his tongue.

February 2, 2015 SI Issue

Terry Hendrix, a Colorado inmate, has sued the NFL for $88,987,654,321.88 over Dez Bryant’s overturned catch against the Packers on Jan. 11.

February 9-16, 2015 SI Double Issue

The Astros tweeted an offer to give away a Jose Altuve-signed ball if they got 1,000 retweets in 70 minutes. They got 545 from their 186,000 followers then gave up.

February 23, 2015 SI Issue

West Virginia coach Bob Huggins released security camera images that showed someone urinating on his house.

March 2, 2015 SI Issue

The Rangers signed the younger brother of second baseman Rougned Odor, a shortstop whose name is also Rougned Odor.

March 9, 2015 SI Issue

A neighbor of the Orioles’ spring training site in Sarasota, Fla., called police with a noise complaint after the team practiced with recorded crowd noise.

March 16, 2015 SI Issue

The course of the Iditarod dogsled race in Alaska had to be moved for only the second time in 43 years because of a snow shortage.

March 23, 2015 SI Issue

2015-0323-Milwaukee-Brewers-Adam-Lind-Ron-Roenicke-high-five.jpg — Chris Carlson/AP

The Brewers banned high fives in an attempt to halt the spread of pinkeye in their clubhouse.

March 30, 2015 SI Issue

John W. McDonough for Sports Illustrated

CBS analyst Charles Barkley said Kansas forward Cliff Alexander was playing “pretty good.” Alexander has been out since February.

April 6, 2015 SI Issue

A closed captioning error on Comast SportsNet during the March 24 76ers-Kings game ID'd Sacramento guard Nik Stauskas as Sauce Castillo.

April 13, 2015 SI Issue

Upgrades at the Ohio State College of Veterinary Medicine include a dog-walking area with a new fire hydrant.

April 20-27, 2015 SI Double Issue

After a brawl on April 6, Irish Olympic silver medalist John Joe Nevin was barred from every pub in County Westmeath until his May 21 trial for public intoxication and abusive behavior.

May 4, 2015 SI Issue

The South Carolina legislature approved the purchase of a jet by Clemson’s athletic department for recruiting.

May 11, 2015 SI Issue

A baker in Manilla created a 5’ 6”, 70-pound chocolate cake resembling Manny Pacquiao.

May 18, 2015 SI Issue

New Jersey governor Chris Christie spent $82,594 of taxpayer money on food and drink at NFL games in 2010 and ’11.

May 25, 2015 SI Issue

The Islanders offered half-ounce vials of “melted ice” from Nassau Coliseum—their home for 43 years—for $20 and sold out in three hours.

June 1, 2015 SI Issue

The Marlins charged $100 for an event billed as a chance for fans to interact with players, but no one on the team showed up.

June 8, 2015 SI Issue

Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images

The Knicks produced and distributed a highlight video of center Andrea Bargnani, who averaged 14.8 points in 29 games last season.

June 15, 2015 SI Issue

Newcastle midfielder Papiss Cisse told his longtime girlfriend he was taking a postseason vacation, then married another woman while he was away.

June 22, 2015 SI Issue

Paris Saint-Germain striker Edinson Cavani thought that Jamaica, Uruguay’s first opponent in the Copa America, was in Africa.

June 29, 2015 SI Issue

Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval was benched for one game after he was found liking photos on Instagram while using the bathroom during a loss to the Braves on June 17.

July 6-13, 2015 SI Double Issue

The day after being the 18th pick in the NBA draft (Rockets), Sam Dekker was home in Sheboygan, Wis., mowing the family lawn.

July 20, 2015 SI Issue

Wimbledon.

July 27, 2015 SI Issue

Paralympic powerlifter Hussein Juboori, 33, of Iraq was suspended for four years for a doping violation.

August 3, 2015 SI Issue

The Bowie Baysox, an Orioles Double A affiliate, planned to host Back Hair Appreciation Night on July 30, including a contest to win a free waxing.

August 10, 2015 SI Issue

A Lansing taxidermist built a Michigan-Michigan State football tableau out of 22 dead chipmunks.

August 17, 2015 SI Issue

2015-Tampa-Yankees-Clearwater-Threshers-circus-tent.jpg — Twitter.com

A game between the Class A Tampa Yankees and Clearwater Threshers was canceled last Friday because a circus tent beyond centerfield interrupted batters’ vision.

August 24, 2015 SI Issue

Parma, the former Serie-A Italian soccer club relegated to the fourth tier, is in such poor financial shape that it’s selling off trophies of past championships.

August 31, 2015 SI Issue

Texans center Ben Jones said he drank a cup of a teammate’s urine on a bet for an undisclosed amount of money during a drug-testing session.

September 7, 2015 SI Double Issue

Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo is reportedly paying $30,000 for a life-sized wax figure of himself. There’s one in a Madrid museum; the new one is for his home.

September 14, 2015 SI Issue

A group of Flyers fans have started a GoFundMe site aimed at buying the cross-state, NHL-rival Penguins, since Philly “already figuratively owns” the Pens.

September 21, 2015 SI Issue

DuBois (Pa.) High scored 90 points and threw for 782 yards in its game against Meadville—and lost by 17.

September 28, 2015 SI Issue

Last week Alex Ovechkin revealed that when he turned 30, on Sept. 17, he received a sheep as a gift.

October 5, 2015 SI Issue

Tottenham Hotspur honored Wayne Gretzky on Sept. 23 by giving him a jersey for someone named Gretsky.

October 12, 2015 SI Issue

A priest in New Jersey was arrested for pointing a musket at an eight-year-old and threatening to shoot because the kid was a Cowboys fan.

October 19, 2015 SI Issue

Bryce Harper

October 26, 2015 SI Issue

Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images; Instagram

The hero of the Blue Jays’ 6-3 ALDS clincher, Jose Bautista, rode home from the game on a scooter.

November 2, 2015 SI Issue

Lefty Shivambu/Gallo Images/Getty Images

The latest candidate for president of FIFA is a former political prisoner turned multimillionaire from South Africa named Tokyo Sexwale.

November 9, 2015 SI Issue

Free-agent 320-pound quarterback Jared Lorenzen offered his services to the Jets via Twitter, posting “U know you want to.”

November 16, 2015 SI Issue

The owner of the OHL’s Flint Firebirds reportedly fired the coach because his son wasn’t getting enough playing time. Then the whole team quit, including said son.

November 23, 2015 SI Issue

Georgia DB Rico McGraw was knocked out of the Auburn game by a celebratory head slap from an assistant coach.

November 30, 2015 SI Issue

Wisconsin’s cheerleaders were forced to flee the field at Camp Randall Stadium when they were pelted with snowballs by their own fans.

December 7, 2015 SI Issue

Before the OSU-Michigan game Ohio governor John Kasich put forth a resolution banning pleated khakis, calling them an “earthly garment that may be workplace appropriate for Jake from State Farm.”

December 14, 2015 SI Issue

The organizers of next summer’s Rio Olympics floated a plan to charge athletes for air conditioning in their rooms. (They withdrew the proposal after catching heat.)

December 21, 2015 SI Double Issue

Jose Canseco tweeted a plan he devised to create an ocean on Mars by nuking the planet’s polar ice caps.