Someone Please Buy the Raptors' Jonas Valanciunas a New Car

Friday July 21st, 2017

The Raptors' Jonas Valanciunas has, in his brief NBA career, already made nearly $30 million (according to the good folks at Basketball Reference), and the Lithuanian center is due another $50 million or so over the next three seasons. But he apparently hasn't spent a dime of those contract earnings, if his ride to his country's national team camp is any indicator.

Jonas, my man: That car is an absolute POS. It looks like you dragged it out of a Soviet junkyard. It's got bits falling off of it. It's painted the same color as a goth garbage truck. And it hasn't been washed since the Berlin Wall came down. Not to mention that it looks mighty uncomfortable for a man of his seven-foot stature.

Look, not every rich athlete has to throw their money on a Bentley or a Rolls Royce or some kind of lunatic super car like a Bugatti or a souped-up Ferrari. But if you've got the cash, you might as well spend it on something better looking and better performing than something Vilnius' most desperate car thieves would walk past without a second thought. Ditch the rustbucket, dude. Besides, I highly doubt Lithuanian sports writers are as high on the "bad old car = gritty humble athlete" stereotype as Americans are.

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