Tuesday May 5th, 2015

The University of North Dakota has to find a new nickname to replace "Fighting Sioux," so it solicited suggestions from the public. After receiving many thousands of entries, the public's suggestions were revealed Monday night

The consulting firm hired to oversee the nickname process divided the suggestions into two lists: yea and nay. Many names were rejected because they aren't allowed under NCAA rules or were profane. The rest were given to the committee to consider, no matter how bizarre or insulting they were. Again, each of these suggestions was approved by the consulting firm.

One person suggested "2's" and explained, "Not only does Grand Forks smell like #2, but UND takes #2's in all big game situations." Another person, no doubt a fan of the North Dakota State University Bison, suggested "Dirt, because Bison trample on it continuously." Somebody else threw a jab at North Dakota goalie Zane McIntyre: "Sieves: your goalie is a great big sieve."

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Other people took jabs at the state of North Dakota and its residents. The teams should be called "Flat," one person said, because "the whole crappy state is flat." Another suggested "Mountees," saying "I mean you guys are in Canada right?" One brave conspiracy theorist suggested Fantasies, "Because North Dakota is a made up state."

Another person made a misspelled reference to the political backstory behind the name change. "Seanators: Because of the polotics." Someone else used the opportunity to call for athletic director Brian Faison to be fired: The North Dakota Fire Faisons, because "He retired the Fighting Sioux, and now he should retire too."

For some unknown reason, one person thought UND's teams should be named "Scrubs," after the 1999 song "No Scrubs" by TLC, but made an unfortunate spelling error when explaining their choice: "I don't want no scuba. Scrubs is a guys that can't get no love for me."

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A few other notable choices: 

  • Orangutans: "Orangutans are awesome"
  • Poets: "There is poetry in winning the right way. Thus, the poets."
  • Tarantula Hawks: This name is unique and inspires a sense of fierceness and strength
  • Cats: "I like cats."
  • Raccoons: "Because they feed on our garbage."
  • Rocks: "Rocks rule."
  • Hound dogs: "UND is in the word and I like the Elvis song a lot."
  • Night Riders: "Cause it was an awesome tv show."

The full list of approved names can be seen here, and the list of (pretty offensive) rejected names can be seen here.

- Dan Gartland

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