The arrival of National Signing Day means dedicating too much attention to young pups yet to attend their senior prom as a means of aiding our football withdrawals. Yes, star rankings matter. No, not many of these recruits will make an instant impact next season.
Instead, let’s take a look at the names! Like Equanimeous St. Brown, Silverberry Mouhon, Dee Liner and Eddie McDoom before them, these recruits could all go pro in something other than football. So I decided to offer categories instead of traditional positional rankings. It took significant scouring of Scout.com to compile all of them; I'd recommend it if you are fantastically bored.
You may hear some of these names called in the coming years. You will likely not hear many more of them. That's all the more reason to appreciate them now. So, whether the recruit is signing with Tennessee or Tennessee Martin, Alabama or Alabama State, here are the best names of the class of 2017.
Cement shoes division
Texarkana City Council division
Notre Dame passed on this guy? division
Action movie villains division
Action movie heroes division
RIP Pimp C division
Smooth jamz division
Chaz Ah You
Legends of Rockabilly division
Thomas Pynchon protagonist division
“Wait, isn't that my UPS guy's name?” division
Adult film cast division
Plaquemines Parish Police Department division
Old Testament pain division
'Literally, not seriously' division
Consonant chaos division
Once-recalled governors of California division
Corporate marketing division
Glorious, but miscellaneous division
Osiris St. Brown