With the release of the Wells Report followed by the NFL handing down a harsh suspension for Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, we are seeing another flood of wonderfully tacky tabloid headlines about the Deflategate saga.
Extra Mustard has decided to help you sift through them all by providing the Deflategate Headline Power Rankings.
While traditional pun powerhouses like the New York Post and the New York Daily News dominate the rankings many newspapers have jumped into the fray.
1. NFL squeezes Patriots' balls
New York Post; January 20, 2015
The King stays King. The New York Post showed here why it is the New England Patriots of punning headlines. Slightly ribald with out having to stretch too much.
2. Deflatriots CHEATED!
New York Daily News; January 21, 2015
The New York Daily News showed it could be clever without going for the obvious "ball" jokes so many other papers settled for.
3. NFL Probe has Brady ... BY THE BALLS!
New York Post; May 7, 2015
At first glance this is not an elite level headline, but by going all-in with the unnecessary change of bombshell to "Tomshell", the May 7 Post let everyone know it was not letting things like shame and logic get in the way of its headline writing.
4. NFL AIR HEADS!
Boston Herald; May 12, 2015
There are two sides to every story, and the Boston Herald lets everyone know it will not stand by and let Tom Brady's good name be besmirched by the commissioner's office.
5. SLIME BALLS
New York Post; January 21, 2015
The only thing that sells papers better than wordplay is direct ad hominem attacks, so putting them both in one headline is just good business.
6. GREAT BALLS OF LIAR!
New York Daily News; May 7 2015
Does it make sense? Not quite, but shoehorning "Balls" and "Liar" plus a classic song title into a four word headline is impressive enough to grab the fifth spot for the May 7 Daily News.
7. MY BALLS ARE PERFECT
New York Daily News; January 23, 2015
Come on, children read newspaper headlines too. Between this and the ultra obvious "hot air" joke in the corner, the Jan. 23 Daily News is sinking like a stone.
8. KICKED IN THE BALLS
New York Daily News; May 12, 2015
Classic example of reaching too far for the pun. "Kicked in the balls" really only makes anatomical sense here, and the "Goodell shows some sack" top line does not even attempt to be clever.
9. WHAT A BLOW! Tommy, Why did your balls go soft?
New York Post; January 22, 2015
Even the best have off days and this headline is not the Post's finest hour, combining vulgarity with a poor understanding of biology sinks this Jan. 22 headline to the bottom of our list.
10. Brady suspended; Patriots punished
Boston Globe; May 12, 2015
Umm, what was The Boston Globe thinking here? It is almost like it is trying to be a serious investigative resource for a curious public or something. Step your game up Globe.
- Brendan Maloy