Ballers Power Rankings: Episode 4, ‘World of Hurt’
Welcome to Extra Mustard’s weekly Ballers power rankings (click here for last week’s rankings). This week, in Season 2, Episode 4, Jason goes to the swamp to recruit a new client, the Cowboys have Vernon's back, Ricky feels things and Reggie gets shot with a paintball gun.
1. Andre (last week: 2)
Once again in the top spot, Andre is dominating this show right now. There's nothing that concerns this man. You have a photo of me and my nanny going at it? How about three of my nannies? I give less effs than '97 Eminem.
The self-proclaimed mayor of Miami is taking Ndamukong Suh from Spence after baiting him into helping Spice Adams and claims to have tons of dirt on the crew at Anderson. It's hard to have a better episode than that.
Also, let's all be honest with ourselves and admit Andre is the Dos Equis guy. When I saw him holding out that glass of wine, smirking, whoa. Dos Equis should actually hire this guy since they retired the old actor. I don't always prefer stealing clients, but when I do, they're Spencer's clients.
2. Vernon (last week: 10)
You know how fake Jerry Jones works. He always looks out for his guys. Vernon and his multi-million dollar contract are safe. Not Reggie, though. Reggie took a paintball to the foot.
Moral of the story: Always tell the truth, and if your career is in jeopardy, and some strippers come by, just kind of sit there and put your hands up like you're trying not to pick up a sixth foul.
Jason Justin (last week: 8)
He lands Travis Mack, a potential first-round pick from the swamp who decided to skip the combine, and had one hell of a day doing it. In the end, he really redeemed himself after ditching Spencer last week to have sex. The payoff was well worth the potential gator attack.
4. Anderson (last week: unranked)
Whoa, Anderson totally laid down the law in this episode like I've never seen him do before. He's thrown in some lines before, but never something as effective as this. It wasn't a scolding, it was more of a bro-out with Bellinis and a stern talking-to. Get off my boat, but finish your drink first.
5. Ricky Jerret (last week: 1)
Look, I have no idea what the hell is going on here with Rick and his pops. I'm not quite sure anyone does. We know Ricky wanted to be everything his dad wasn't, and wished he was around more, but then they seem to be really bonding. Then, that Duck Dynasty-looking fella came in and ruined the whole thing. Ricky goes back and sees an old Sports Illustrated with his picture on it (shameless acknowledgement there). He feels things. What is he feeling? I have no clue.
More importantly here, perhaps, is the fact that he hasn't signed with the Saints yet. It looked like a done deal, but now he's thinking of fielding some more offers. Sean Peyton is getting antsy.
6. Spencer Strasmore (last week: 4)
Woof, back-to-back rough weeks for Spence. Suh is as good as gone, Spice Adams is worthless, and his woman might be moving off to Connecticut. To make matters worse, he just signed a "Seminole d—bag." To make matters even worse, he fell flat on his face trying to blackmail Andre! Somehow, we made it an entire episode without him popping pain pills. Is he low-key off the pain pills now? Are they just going to forget that storyline?
7. Tracy (last week: not ranked)
She quit her job and it turned out to be a great career move. Tracy could be going to ESPN! Doesn't seem thrilled, though, for whatever reason. Either way, Mitch can suck it.
8. Joe Krutel (last week: 7)
Give it to Joe, he tried to help out with that dirt on Andre. That's what puts him in the power rankings. But in typical Joe fashion, his entire life is getting in the way now. He's a potential liability for Spencer in this fight.
9. Reggie (last week: 5)
Laughed audibly after the strippers had left and Reggie tried to save his ass. Then when Spencer shot him with a paintball gun. Continue to appreciate his heavy role in these shows.
10. Charles Greane (last week: 6)
OK, Charles is literally doing nothing now. What are they going to have him do? I feel so bad for Charles.
Just Missed: Joe's cat...Bellinis...the old Bud Light logo...Billy, Bob & Wade...Max..."The sweaty ball sack of the south"...TTD's omelettes...Sports Illustrated...The Delano in '08