She’ll never recover from this. 

By Dan Gartland
May 25, 2017

Theoretically, the baby in the video above could be wailing for a variety of reasons. But we all know the real cause—she’s in the clutches of a monster. 

Adults may tolerate the Phillie Phanatic’s antics but the fuzzy green giant causes small children to cower in fear. Though this child won’t remember the incident itself, it has surely left an indelible mark on her. Years from now, she will see the Phanatic and feel her stomach drop. 

When will sports teams realize that mascots are never cute and cuddly? After quickly scanning through all 27 MLB mascots, I’ve determined that a full two-thirds of them are at least moderately upsetting. (And let’s not even get into college and NHL mascots.)

I hope this baby grows up and becomes an anti-mascot activist. 

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