From Scheffler and Rory to Golf's Best Mullet: Unofficial Awards From a Year of Rebellion
Another year, another rebellion, another wave of faces departing for a more lucrative destination.
What is this, the PGA Tour or Central America?
So much happened in golf’s little corner of 2022. Compelling major championships. Tiger Woods sightings. New stars birthed. And, burying the lead for effect, the rise of LIV Golf, a Saudi-funded rival that lured away a rasher of PGA Tour stars including Brooks Koepka, Bryson DeChambeau and Cameron Smith. It led to a reshaping of the PGA Tour with bigger purses and stronger fields, the better to huff and puff and blow down LIV Golf’s money-laden house.
The tale of this rebellion is just getting started, apparently. The tale of the 2022 golf season, however, just finished, so The Ranking decided to hand out its year-end awards, known as The Barkys, to honor the game’s most memorable moments. (No trees were harmed in the selection of The Barkys. Dinged, maybe, but not harmed.)
The Leading Man Award
It’s a short debate but, Scottie Scheffler, this was your year. Four wins including a Masters, and four runner-up finishes including a U.S. Open. The Golf Player of the Year nearly had a monster of a year. Rory McIlroy had three wins but one was the Tour Championship, a lucrative outing in which he had to beat only 28 other players, and he fumbled away a major at the Old Course. Does he get bonus points for becoming the Leader of the Tour Players in the Money Wars? Not here. Cameron Smith won three times, including the British Open (sorry for bringing that up, Rory) and the Players. His other win was in the short-field Tournament of Champions. Check the scoreboard: Scheffler 4, Other Guys, 3. Count the Barky …
Best Performance With a Mullet
The only nominee was Cameron Smith and he provided perfect bookends for the season by blowing past the Players Championship field with a closing 66 in the year’s first “significant” tournament and speeding past Rory McIlroy with a closing 64 to win the Open Championship at the Old Course. After notching another few million in the FedEx Cup, Smith joined the rebellion at LIV Golf. In other words, guess who won’t be defending his Players Championship title? (And probably won’t have a banner on the drive into TPC Sawgrass?)
Best Performance With a Fake Mullet
Relax, Billy Ray Cyrus. The winner is comedic actor David Spade, star of a low-brow comedy called “Joe Dirt,” which featured Spade as a downtrodden hero with an extreme mullet. Spade earned a Sandy by getting in on the joke after Smith won the Open when he tweeted, “We did it!”
The Nearly Man Award
Formerly known as the Will Zalatoris Cup, this is given to the player with the most heartbreaking close calls. Willy Z was on pace to take it home again until he won the St. Jude Championship in a wild playoff on the third hole in which both he and Sepp Straka re-teed from the drop zone. With Zalatoris eliminated from consideration, this year’s Nearly Man is Cameron Young, who had five runner-up finishes (including the Open Championship, where he eagled the 72nd hole to force Cam Smith to make birdie to win) and two thirds (including a PGA Championship where he missed a playoff with Zalatoris and Justin Thomas).
Wookie of the Year
This, too, goes to Cameron Young. (Don’t make fun of my wisp, you wascally wabbit.)
Leftfielder of the Year
Given to a player we’d never heard of who charged out of left field onto a major championship leaderboard, the hands-down winner is the guy who would’ve won the PGA Championship if he parred Southern Hills’ 72nd hole. Instead, Chile’s Mito Pereira made a Van de Veldian double bogey to miss the playoff. You’d probably forgotten his name already, too, until his name was linked in the most recent wave of LIV Golf defectors. Good luck in the next historic event, amigo …
The Four Jacks Award
A great Sunday at the Masters finished in an unseemly way when Scottie Scheffler four-putted the final green and still won by three. Noonan, Noonan, Noonan … made it. His green jacket wasn’t any less green, though ...
The Silver Sandy
We have co-winners. No major championship competitors had flashier finishes than Rory McIlroy and Collin Morikawa at the Masters. In a dicey spot in the right greenside bunker at Augusta National’s 18th hole, McIlroy aimed away from the pin, played a clever shot that caught a slope and rolled into the cup for an amazing birdie that set off a wild celebration. Morikawa then holed his straightforward bunker shot immediately after McIlroy’s and more fireworks ensued. It was one of the tournament’s most remarkable non-Tiger moments. The only thing missing was Shooter McGavin holstering his red hot pistol finger ...
The Golden Rake Award
Congratulations, Cameron Smith, for playing a shot that every Old Course tourist is going to try—Smith’s bold putt around the treacherous Road Hole Bunker’s rim at the 17th green. There will be many annoyed caddies needlessly re-raking that Road Hole Bunker because the amateur whose bag they’re carrying tried and failed at Smith’s stroke for the ages. Matthew Fitzpatrick gets an Honorable Mention Barky for his shot from the fairway bunker on the final hole to win the U.S. Open at The Country Club. Guests there won’t be replaying that shot. It’s a private club, there is no practicing on the course. And there is no wagering at Bushwood, sir …
The Resurrection Cup
Yes, Rory McIlroy looked as if he’d befouled the bed, if you know what we mean, when he began the Tour Championship with a triple bogey-bogey start. Plus, he began the event spotting Masters champ Scottie Scheffler a six shots. McIlroy’s scorching 63-66 finish lifted him to victory, proving it’s never over until it’s over (unless it’s a Ryder Cup at Whistling Straits). The Honorable Mention Barky goes to Tom Kim, who opened the Wyndham Championship with a quadruple bogey, then steamed like Thomas the Tank Engine (his childhood idol) to a 24-under-par finish and won by five. The Fat Conductor would be proud …
The J.T. Poston Award
And the winner is… J.T. Poston, for capturing the John Deere Classic. Who else is going to give J.T. Poston an award? Few even noticed his W. We should probably give ourselves a Barky for being so conscientious. Congrats to us …
The ReTigerment Plan Award
The excitement of Tiger Woods making an incredible comeback a little over a year after a serious car crash eventually ran head-on into reality during the year. Woods shot a hopeful 71 in the opening Masters round but then … the scorecard got messy. Woods played nine rounds of golf, all in the Masters, PGA and Open Championship. He shot under par twice, had four rounds of 78 or higher and was a cumulative 34 over par. Consider it preparation for his real major—the father-son event in December with his son, Charlie…
Best Snooker Shot
You probably missed it but during the Canadian Open, Rory McIlroy’s drive bounced down a fairway, bumped over a couple of divots, nudged Justin Thomas’ ball about six inches and did not go in a side pocket (watch the clip below starting at the 40-second mark). The TV crew helped tell Thomas where to replace his ball. What makes this noteworthy? McIlroy went on to a scintillating win.
The Mouth That Roared Trophy
No one captured the average American’s view of LIV Golf’s big money better than basketball analyst Charles Barkley, who deserves a Barky just for his name. Said Sir Charles, "Listen, if someone gave me $200 million, I'd kill a relative." Did he mean just his own relatives or would he take requests? ...
The Frank Beard Cup
Given to the player with the best beard, it doesn’t go to Jon Rahm’s excellent extreme stubble. Once again, it is handed to Ireland’s Shane Lowry for his dead-on Lumberjack/Manwich look …
The Hey Mulligan Man Award
Surprisingly, the winner is not the luckless Chilean Mito Pereira, mainly because he needed a mulligan on any of his first five shots on the PGA Championship’s 72nd hole. Instead, the academy selects Sahith Theegala, who took a one-shot lead to the Travelers Championship’s 72nd hole but hit driver into a fairway bunker, then boned his next shot into the bunker face, pitched out and missed a bogey putt to lose. Theegala’s mulligan would be best used to hit a fairway metal off the tee and avoid the fairway bunker where the unspeakable happened and his first PGA Tour victory slipped away like Jell-O through The Terminator’s fingers …
The Hardcup Bowl
We will beat you in court, we will beat you on the golf course, we will beat you in global audience reach, we will beat you in the court of public opinion and we will beat you without resorting to gimmicks such as rock concerts and wearing shorts. Those aren’t quotes from PGA Tour commissioner Jay Monahan, who has been a regular Santa Anna (the Mexican general who ordered no quarter given to the Alamo defenders) in the PGA Tour’s War Against Roman Numerals, but that is the message. Monahan called LIV an “irrational threat” and as for any LIV golfers returning to play on the PGA Tour: “No.” Hand that man a Barky and a cold one, please …
The Cute Cup
Maybe he had some time to kill late one afternoon on a pre-tournament round day at Southern Hills but Rory McIlroy brought his adorable daughter, Poppy, to the PGA Championship media center to show her the billboards honoring past champions that adorn entrance walkway. As he held his daughter and pointed to the picture of himself winning the 2014 PGA, McIlroy cooed, “That’s when Daddy was good.”
Most Delicious Player
As usual, Tom Hoge (pronounced “Hoagie) is the winner, topping the unfortunately-still-cheese-less Daniel Berger …
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