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When a golf fan passes, he can lie forever one under

The most involved sports fans cannot let a little thing like death get in their way for their devotion to a team. For several years now it's been possible to
Frank Deford|

The most involved sports fans cannot let a little thing like death get in their way for their devotion to a team. For several years now it's been possible to buy caskets that feature the logo of your favorite, so that you can lie forever with, say, the emblem of the Chicago Cubs resting right before your sightless eyes. Not perfect, but the best available option.

Several other themes are also available. For example a casket entitled "The Race Is Over," featuring, appropriately, a checkered flag, will provide the NASCAR fan with a fitting pit stop to his lifelong oval journey. My favorite of the genre is a "Gone Fishin'" casket, which provides sort of a double meaning as the deceased angler heads off into the unknown beyond.

Although it is not available yet, I think it would be especially appropriate if ESPN could bring out a themed casket. Those gentlemen who have spent so many hours attached to the channel would surely feel at home then in its embrace forever.

However, nothing in this line has prepared us for what golf fans now can enjoy should they wish to spend eternity in Bellevue, Washington -- a suburb of Seattle. There, we now have the Sunset Hills Memorial Golf Park, a simulated golf course, complete with all the links features, where golfers may be laid to rest. We talk about bad shots being "buried" in the sand or the rough, but now you too may come to rest there.

I'm sure there are no bad lies at Sunset Hills.

Arne Swanson, a golfer himself, who conceived the idea of a golf cemetery, has even designated sand traps for those who wish to be cremated and have their urns deposited there. As Mr. Swanson says, now for duffers, you can "spend eternity in the bunker."

Sunset Hills also provides a large leader board, where your name will be listed, if you wish to reserve a future tee time while still being able to putt upright.

Surely, only golfers would be, uh, down with this idea. Somehow I can't imagine any tennis players wanting to be buried courtside or bowlers underneath an alley. But then golf is always culturally unique. Has it ever occurred to you, for instance, that golf is the only sport with jokes? Really, have you ever in your life heard a football joke or a soccer joke? Just golf jokes. Of course, virtually almost all of them are a variation on the same theme: the husband who neglects his wife all the time, playing another eighteen.

And now, with Sunset Hills, and any other golf cemeteries that might sprout up, the punch line forever will be: at last, he's one under.

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Frank Deford
FRANK DEFORD

Frank Deford is among the most versatile of American writers. His work has appeared in virtually every medium, including print, where he has written eloquently for Sports Illustrated since 1962. Deford is currently the magazine's Senior Contributing Writer and contributes a weekly column to SI.com. Deford can be heard as a commentator each week on Morning Edition. On television he is a regular correspondent on the HBO show Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel. He is the author of 15 books, and his latest,The Enitled, a novel about celebrity, sex and baseball, was published in 2007 to exceptional reviews. He and Red Smith are the only writers with multiple features in The Best American Sports Writing of the Century. Editor David Halberstam selected Deford's 1981 Sports Illustrated profile on Bobby Knight (The Rabbit Hunter) and his 1985 SI profile of boxer Billy Conn (The Boxer and the Blonde) for that prestigious anthology. For Deford the comparison is meaningful. "Red Smith was the finest columnist, and I mean not just sports columnist," Deford told Powell's Books in 2007. "I've always said that Red is like Vermeer, with those tiny, priceless pieces. Five hundred words, perfectly chosen, crafted. Best literary columnist, in any newspaper, that I've ever seen." Deford was elected to the National Association of Sportscasters and Sportswriters Hall of Fame. Six times at Sports Illustrated Deford was voted by his peers as U.S. Sportswriter of The Year. The American Journalism Review has likewise cited him as the nation's finest sportswriter, and twice he was voted Magazine Writer of The Year by the Washington Journalism Review. Deford has also been presented with the National Magazine Award for profiles; a Christopher Award; and journalism honor awards from the University of Missouri and Northeastern University; and he has received many honorary degrees. The Sporting News has described Deford as "the most influential sports voice among members of the print media," and the magazine GQ has called him, simply, "The world's greatest sportswriter." In broadcast, Deford has won a Cable Ace award, an Emmy and a George Foster Peabody Award for his television work. In 2005 ESPN presented a television biography of Deford's life and work, You Write Better Than You Play. Deford has spoken at well over a hundred colleges, as well as at forums, conventions and on cruise ships around the world. He served as the editor-in-chief of The National Sports Daily in its brief but celebrated existence. Deford also wrote Sports Illustrated's first Point After column, in 1986. Two of Deford's books, the novel, Everybody's All-American, and Alex: The Life Of A Child, his memoir about his daughter who died of cystic fibrosis, have been made into movies. Two of his original screenplays have also been filmed. For 16 years Deford served as national chairman of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, and he remains chairman emeritus. He resides in Westport, CT, with his wife, Carol. They have two grown children – a son, Christian, and a daughter, Scarlet. A native of Baltimore, Deford is a graduate of Princeton University, where he has taught American Studies.

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