Wembanyama Shows Tactical Superiority of Baldness as Spurs Search for Spark

By shaving each other’s heads bald, Victor Wembanyama and Keldon Johnson may have cracked the code on how to take the Spurs to the next level.

Laugh all you want, but any smooth-headed San Antonian will tell you that they feel seen in this moment, and that shaving one’s skull provides a number of tactical and spiritual benefits on the court that contributed to the Spurs’ blowout win over the Milwaukee Bucks.

Let’s start with the math, the physics, the cold hard numbers.

Think of the human body the way a racing team would think of their car. Every ounce matters, so to compete at the highest level you must remove anything that doesn’t help you go fast or stay alive. Rip out the radio, the A/C, the floor mats and door liners. Some teams leave the whole carbon fiber chassis exposed because they don’t want to add the weight of the paint.

In addition to being heavy, hair creates drag and removing the hair reveals a sleek and aerodynamic surface. Basic physics tells us that reducing the coefficient of friction increases speed. Would you rather pilot a speedboat covered in barnacles and seaweed, or one that’s hull has been freshly powerwashed? Exactly.

How do you think Tony Parker became one of the fastest players in the league? He made sure his first step was unencumbered by taking a one blade to everything above his shoulders every single day.

That’s one of the reasons Manu Ginobili shaved his once-glorious mane. Another important reason is that hair can be distracting. NBA basketball is hard enough, why risk letting your own unnecessary body part impede your vision? Headbands are half measures. Pushing your hair back is a move that can look cool under the right circumstances, but not while you’re backpedaling in pick-and-roll defense.

Another reason Ginobili shaved, let’s face it, is that he developed a bald spot on the back of his head. It’s located above the parietal lobe of his brain, which is responsible for things like sensory processing, spatial awareness, and motor control. Did his intense and extended use of these neurons as an elite athlete overheat his brain and fry the nearby hair follicles? I’m not a scientist, but yeah, probably.

Baldness didn’t choose Wembanyama and Johnson, at least not yet. They chose baldness, which makes it a powerful choice indeed.

So why did they do it?

Keldon told reporters that he wanted to match his friends, and Wemby wanted in on the fun. When they got back from a disappointing loss in Oklahoma City, they busted out the clippers in Wembanyama’s van.

Giving assists on and off the court 😮‍💨 pic.twitter.com/uHEMrBIHSm
— San Antonio Spurs (@spurs) January 16, 2026

“Last night, Vic was like, ‘Yo, let’s bald our head.’ I was like, ‘S—, let’s do it,’” Johnson said. “I’ve been looking for a reason to do it.”

A fresh scalp can be a fresh slate, and as the Spurs’ Chief Vibes Officer Keldon Johnson is uniquely qualified to initiate vibe shifts in any way he sees fit. They had won just four of their last 10 games, so they’ll take that good energy from anywhere they can get it.

Wembanyama’s decision to join the cause made it a communal experience, which turns a haircut into a team bonding ritual and enhances any magical results. Johnson said he needed some convincing that Wemby would actually do it, so the big man cut a streak in his own hair first before making quick work of Keldon’s cut.

“He did good, he was quick with it,” Johnson said. “No lie, Vic probably took like 3 minutes. Boom boom boom, knocked it down.”

Johnson took his time trimming Wemby’s hair, especially after he got a bump on his head in the previous game. That reveals another tactical advantage: visibility. Now when Wembanyama gets smacked in the noggin, he can show the officials the red mark.

On the other hand, the bald shave also adds an element of camouflage. Hair always looks like hair, but a bald head? That could be anything. Is it Keldon’s shoulder? Is it a basketball? It’s impossible to say.

The monks at the Shaolin temple shave their heads as a humble rejection of vanity, a way to look more like their fellow monks and focus on inner beauty over outward appearance. When Wembanyama trained there over the summer he got his first taste of the wonders of smooth-headed life, though he would have needed a shrink ray to look like everyone else there.

Bald Wemby made his on-court debut against the Bucks, and he showed off all of his newfound advantages with 22 points and 10 rebounds in just 22 minutes. He bumped knees with Giannis Antetokounmpo, then came back into the game and went bananas. With no hair in his eyes he finished lobs, shot 5-6 from outside, and took flight for two blocks.

The Spurs played ego-death hoops with 28 assists and built their largest lead of the season at 39 points. San Antonio shot 43% from 3, breaking a long-distance dry spell with the most 3-point makes and best 3-point accuracy since they beat the Thunder on December 23.

As the Spurs blew the Bucks out in the third quarter, broadcaster Nate Ryan went into the Jackals supporter section and found two superfans who shaved it all when they saw the pictures in the morning.

“As soon as we saw Keldon do it and Wemby did it, we did it,” one fan yelled enthusiastically.

When Ryan asked if anyone else would be going under the buzzer, the Jackals turned their attention to his luscious locks.

“YOU!” they yelled.

Unwavering commitment to their team 💈

After Victor Wembanyama and Keldon Johnson shaved their heads, the jackals had to follow suit 😂 pic.twitter.com/fFjLG0wwKn
— NBA (@NBA) January 16, 2026

Ryan’s hair survived, barely, and after the game Wembanyama and Johnson met with those fans in the tunnel.

The shaved head look is catching on 👀 @SpursJackals pic.twitter.com/AYx0glXDSY
— San Antonio Spurs (@spurs) January 16, 2026

Baldness is not without its drawbacks. For example, Johnson is both getting cold and sweating from his head. The results speak for themselves, though, and baldness is clearly a performance enhancer.

It remains to be seen if any other Spurs players will visit Vic and KJ’s Barbershop, but a big blowout win might be enough to convince anyone who was on the fence.

“We need more,” Wembanyama told Ryan as he left the court.