Flashback Friday: Bring back the Mohawk

I used to love a good Mohawk.

Well, that’s a lie. I was more of a fauxhawk kinda girl (I’m looking at you, Joel Madden), but there was something about a man who could rock a Mohawk that just made my adolescent self swoon.

I was born in 1989 at a time where most hairstyles put Lady Gaga to shame.

Little me wasn’t too concerned with football. In fact, growing up in a small suburb outside of Vancouver, BC, the NFL wasn’t really a big deal. Canadians and their hockey, eh? Sadly, I didn’t follow the sport of my dreams until after high school when Eli Manning used to be my idol.

Please don’t ever quote me on that.

Since 2012, I’ve been a true Faithful, though. My blood runs red and gold; my tiny apartment in Toronto is filled with more 49ers gear than maple syrup bottles. I’ve been a fan through two Super Bowl attempts that I’m still recovering from and nope, I’ll never watch Ray Lewis’ speech again—it hurts my soul to look at the colour purple.

But in case the 49ers need some motivation (cough, cough Jimmy Garoppolo), here it is:

P.S. I’m sorry.

Back in 2013, there wasn’t a Mohawk in sight. And as a fan of punk bands and crazy hairstyles, I personally think the team should have channeled their inner '80s vibes to help them rock out on the field.

Your girl needs to witness a SB win, guys. And luckily for the 49ers, they’re 0-1 to start the season. Yes, that sounds super confusing, but let me explain. Back in 1981 when Mohawks were in style, San Francisco started the season with a big goose egg, too, when they fell 24-17 to the Detroit Lions. Grrr.

Side note: Randy Cross would’ve been a prime Mohawk candidate. Have you seen that head of hair? He’s the MVP, even. Most Valuable Pompadour.

I never had the pleasure of watching the 1981 season live. Pretty tough to do when I wasn’t born for another eight years, so go easy on me. Anyway, since it’s Friday, I thought it’d be fun to follow that winning year by watching one game per week—aside from this week, since I had two games to catch up on (Week 1 and 2)—and recap the game through my new series, Flashback Friday.

Cue the DeLorean.

For some reason, the full matchup of Week 1 against the Lions is nowhere to be found on the interwebs. YouTube, what’s up with that? So, I skimmed through the highlights instead. Here are my key takeaways:

· “Broadcaster Voice” is totally a thing.

· Life was tough pre-widescreen.

· I’m so thankful for HD television.

· Joe Montana is so cool. He’s on my Interview Bucket List.

· The referee outfits were horrendous. It’s like they went shopping at Value Village for a Halloween costume and put together whatever they could find to make them look like a ref. Such a tragedy.

· Dwight Hicks had some power in those sticks!

· Montana to Dwight Clark might be my next tattoo.

· Detroit should bring back those jerseys.

· Hey 1981, Y2K called and said you need a score bug.

· Billy Sims is the OG Beastmode.

Alright, losing in the last 22 seconds of the game was super heartbreaking. Sims was a monster. In comparison to this season, he was the DeAndre Hopkins of our Week 1 loss to the Cardinals. Yes, I know they don’t play the same position, but respect the metaphor please.

Let’s get to Week 2: 49ers vs. Da Bears.

I’ve been to Candlestick Park once in my life. It was sketchy, to say the least. But since it was my first home game, I fell in love with that weathered stadium instantly. However, in 2013, the Stick definitely didn’t have a baseball diamond on the field. So, watching the Week 2 matchup against Chicago was a little trippy. I felt honestly felt like I was being Punk’d.

Also, if you’re watching along with me—which you should—then you’re probably thinking, “Wow, this video quality makes me want to wash my eyes out with soap.”

I mentioned this on my Periscope today, but hot take: if I had been around in the early 80’s, I would have been put off from being a sideline reporter. Seriously! That quality is so bad. Every player looks like a blob. I have no idea who has the ball at any given moment.

So, imagine me being out on that field! I’d look like a Cinnamon Toast Crunch square.

Aside from the visual aspect, the game was incredible. I don’t know how players felt about skidding around on that baseball diamond dirt, though. That ain’t no Slip ’N Slide.

Landscape aside, Week 2 Joe Montana was like a Wild West outlaw. Joe Cool threw for 287 yards and three touchdowns. There were no fourth quarter woes. Montana bounced back in style at the Stick as the Faithful decorated the bleachers in retro red.

It was a stunning sight, despite the poor film quality. You could feel the beauty in that win. And so, I hope Garoppolo watches this highlight pack on YouTube. Well, he might have access to the full video, being the starting QB. If that’s the case, I urge the entire team to watch that game. Watch Montana connect with Freddie Solomon for 46 yards. Watch that tiny pigskin glide through the air of what would eventually be the legendary Candlestick Park.

Most importantly, watch Joe stay composed. Confident, even. Despite the Week 1 loss, Montana brushed it off and completely flexed on the haters. Who’s to say Garoppolo can’t do the same?

0-1 isn’t ideal, but it's easy to turn that 0 into a 1 in the next week. The current team is now tasked with the same deed. Which, let’s be real, they’re going to beat the Jets and it’ll be like the 1981 season repeating itself, hairstyles and all.

Now, it’s up to Jimmy to just bring back the Mohawk.