DJ Gallo
Wednesday September 9th, 2015

The greatest sports journalists score interviews with the greatest names in sports.

The rest of us, those without access or credibility, get our exclusives from different sources. This is one such example: an interview with the Twitter feed of Ohio State superstar quarterback Cardale Jones.

Good morning, Cardale.

I hope this is a good time for you to do an interview. 

Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to mess up your day. 

Ha-ha. Yeah. I like Chipotle, too. 

Right? It’s very good. 

Yep. 

You sure are.

Ha. Yes. 

They do give you a good serving there. You’re right. 

Yeah, that is the one downside of Chipotle. No doubt. 

True. You may need to think about changing up your diet some. 

About your life. You seem to really like Chipotle. But aside from that, it’s amazing how much everything has changed for you. A year ago, the only thing most people knew about you was your tweet about not going to Ohio State to “play school.” 

Whoa. Taking someone’s tweets and commenting on them as a job is a very important profession, in my opinion. Even if all of the person’s tweets are taken wildly out of context. 

But, come on, Cardale. That old tweet you had is so different from the Cardale Jones we all see now, working hard in the classroom and being active in the community.

How did you change your outlook on things? 

[tweet: https://twitter.com/CJ12_/status/580858527268364289]

Sure. But that can’t be it. 

And now, in less than 12 months, you went from third string to national champion and a Heisman favorite. How crazy is that? 

I can imagine. You’ve even struck up a friendship with LeBron? What’s that been like? 

Are you a big NBA fan? 

Ha-ha. I can see that. So you watch teams other than the Cavs, I take it?  

Well, I feel like that’s kind of rude. 

Fine. 

I feel like you’re being sarcastic. 

No, not at all. I think that’s actually the normal reaction to her. She’s attractive, but at the same time, you fear she’d destroy you. 

I understand that, but if you ever want me to introduce you to some nice girls, I’d be happy to help. I also have the contact info for Ronda Rousey’s agent.

Noted. So, Cardale, everything is going so well for you in your life right now, outside of maybe the dating scene. Is there anything you would change? 

So if you don’t cook, what do you eat all the time? 

Right. How could I forget. Sorry, that was a dumb question. So what else is going on in your life? 

Really? Wow. What are you deciding on? 

I see. And what are you leaning toward? 

Well, thanks for the time, Cardale. I really appreciate you taking the time to speak to The Cauldron. 

I miss you already. And all the best learning to cook and finding other sources of sustenance outside of Chipotle. 

Good luck, Cardale. On the taco salad. On the season. And on life. Thanks again.

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