Thursday September 11th, 2014

Going to sporting goods stores can be intimidating. Surrounded by all that athletic equipment, it's easy to fall into despair about the fact that you haven't done anything even vaguely athletic since that time you set a new personal record in Wii Golf (you did it!).

But don't feel bad! Big-box sporting goods stores cater to every consumer. To make you feel a little more at home, we've assembled some products for the less athletically-gifted shopper.

The 11 Least-Sportsy Items Sold At Dick's Sporting Goods
  • 1.
    Sailing is absolutely a sport, and any serious sailor would tell you to get off his boat if he saw you walking on board in Sperrys.

  • 2.
    Ah yes, French Fries: food of champions.

  • 3.
    This is how Dara Torres trained for the Olympics, right?

  • 4.
    Okay. I guess I understand why they sell speakers. People work out with music, and sometimes headphones don't cut it. But this seems pretty unnecessary, even for the least-active spin class.

  • 5.
    This just encourages people to get so fat they can never play sports ever again.

  • 6.
    I wear wedge sneakers because I like being unprofessional and uncomfortable at the same time.

  • 7.
    Using a special combination of magnets and ions, these performance-enhancing bracelets do absolutely nothing!

  • 8.
    Can we all finally admit that messenger bags are just big purses? Men, you've been carrying purses. We tricked you.

  • 9.

  • 10.
    This card is meant for your Go-Pro camera, but let's be real -- they'll probably get filled up with more selfies than action-shots.

  • 11.
    If you're buying home decor from Dick's Sporting Goods you need to seriously re-examine your life choices.

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