How Tom Brady spent his four–week suspension
Tom Brady is set to return to action on Sunday when the Patriots face the Browns in Cleveland, finally concluding the Deflategate saga that saw Brady serve a four–game suspension to start this season.
Despite Brady's absence, the Patriots are 3–1. But what has the team's star quarterback been up to?
Here's a look at how Brady spent the first four weeks of the season.
Sept. 2: Some puppy love
Goodell got you down? Nothing that hanging out with adorable Lua can’t fix.
Only thing Brady loves more than Lua in that moment is his Beautyrest mattress and sleeping without sheets.
Sept. 10: Gisele keeps the arm warm
Brady may not be able to attend Patriots practices, but he still managed to keep his arm active by playing catch with supermodel wife Gisele Bündchen. Coach Belichick might try her in the slot later this season.
Sept. 11: Brady watches the RedZone channel
Brady got a taste of what it's like to be one of us, as he discovered the joy of sitting in front of the television, presumably wearing his Uggs, and tuning into NFL RedZone on Sunday. He watched RedZone before turning on the Patriots' Week 1 game, a Sunday night contest against the Cardinals.
“Well, I watched that one channel, that RedZone channel that captures everything, which is pretty amazing,” Brady told Jim Gray on Westwood One Radio. “But it’s a great way to kind of watch how a lot of the flows of the game are going, you see a lot of situations. … It’s fun to watch football on Sundays. Obviously I love the sport so much, so to have a chance to watch all those games under different circumstances and obviously I’d much rather be out there playing, but it still was an enjoyable Sunday nonetheless.”
Brady later made an Angry Birds joke on his Facebook page.
Sept. 13: Tom and Gisele see Hamilton
How does a quarterback, MVP, Super Bowl champ, sixth round draft pick out of Michigan grow up to be a hero and a play caller?
Brady and his wife made a quick trip to New York to watch the hit Broadway show Hamilton, according to an email sent to Barstool Sports.
If Deflategate was turned into a musical (I'm sure someone is working on this already), "You'll be Back" (sung by King George III) is just the type of song that would be performed by Roger Goodell.
"...Remember, despite our estrangement, I’m your man/You'll be back, soon you'll see/you'll remember you belong to me."
I'm really hoping Brady sat there and thought the same thing.
Sept. 14: We discover Brady doesn't eat strawberries
We’ve known for a while that Brady’s diet is out of the ordinary, but that's what we expect from an extraordinary athlete. While suspended, Brady told New York Magazine that he has never eaten a strawberry in his life.
“I’ve never eaten a strawberry in my life,” Brady said. “I have no desire to do that.”
No chocolate-covered strawberries. No strawberry shortcake. No strawberries in parfaits. No strawberry lemonade. No strawberry daiquiris. Some of the best things in life include strawberries.
(He also reiterated the fact that he has never enjoyed a sip of coffee in his life. No pumpkin spice lattes. No coffee cake. No coffee with your bagel. No…you get the point.)
Sept. 17: Brady connects with Brady at the Big House
Tom Brady and his son visited the Big House, where Jim Harbaugh presumably got a closer look at a future recruit. Brady found Brady in the Michigan Stadium endzone, and the younger Brady celebrated by dabbing in the end zone.
The Patriots quarterback was also spotted playing catch with Harbaugh, who quarterbacked Michigan roughly 15 years before Brady.
Sept. 18: Jimmy Garoppolo saves a beached dolphin
At least according to the TB Times.
Sept. 22: Brady trash talks the Texans
No Brady, no problem. The Patriots improved to 3–0 with a dominant Thursday night victory over Houston.
Sept. 26: Brady sunbathes in Italy
Brady took a quick trip to Italy and was caught by paparazzi, who photographed him nude sunbathing in the coastal town of Positano.
We hope Bill Belichick reminded Brady to put on sunscreen.
Sept. 29: Matt Damon’s hair
Brady’s hair before the season looked a lot like Matt Damon’s vintage style in the preseason. The look was short-lived. Last week, Damon gave us another look at his own new hairstyle in a video for Brady’s charity fundraising efforts. In the video, Damon and best friend Ben Affleck bicker over who they believe is closer to Brady.
At one point, Damon turns his head to reveal his flow. We suspect Damon hasn't cut his hair since Brady’s suspension went into effect.
Sept. 30: Brady invests in UFC
WME–IMG announced that Brady and a number of other celebrities, including athletes like Cam Newton and Serena Williams, were investing in UFC. Other new celeb investors included Brady's pals Ben Affleck and Mark Wahlberg.
Oct. 3: Ben Affleck is ready for Brady's return
Extra Mustard was tasked with providing Ben Affleck with a Patriots score update on Sunday as he promoted an upcoming movie. It did not go as well as he may have hoped.
Oct. 4: Brady bids farewell to Big Papi
Tom Brady is ready to return, but another Boston sports legend is set to walk away. Big Papi is entering the final stretch of his career, and Brady paid tribute to the Red Sox legend by mimicking his signature home run pose.
Welcome back, Tom.