via Kings of Kauffman
By Nicole Conlan
September 24, 2014

WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT? The Funnel Dog

WHO HATH WROUGHT THIS MONSTROSITY? You can thank the minor-league Northwest Arkansas Naturals for this one.

WHAT COMPRISES SUCH A THING? A hot dog on a stick surrounded by fried funnel cake and dipped with powdered sugar.

"Hey, we need to reduce sign space. Let's combine those into one item."
Getty

HOW MANY CALORIES WE TALKIN'? If you Google "funnel dog calories," you end up with the wildly inaccurate result of 220 calories per dog. Do not be fooled. If you Google all the ingredients separately and add them up, you get closer to 500 calories per dog, and they're not big, so you're going to eat at least 2.

I WANT TO EAT THIS, BUT I REALLY, REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO ARKANSAS. Fear not! POPSUGAR was kind/cruel enough to put together this helpful video for you:

THAT SEEMS LIKE WORK. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO JUST BUY IT? A mere $3.50.

via MiLB.com

THAT'S CHEAP! WHAT SHOULD I USE THE LEFTOVER MONEY ON? A cardiologist.

KNOWN ENEMIES: Salads, exercise, self-esteem


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HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)