Who would win the Super Bowl if it weren't based on football?

Russell Wilson arguably best QB in the NFL
Wednesday October 8th, 2014

The question of who is going to win the Super Bowl is often rooted in analyzing things like "strategy" and "talent." But what if that weren't the case? What if the Super Bowl were determined by... nearly everything else except what actually takes place on the field on Sunday? Here's who would win the Super Bowl if the Lombardi Trophy winner were decided by factors ranging from best facial hair to best post-game press conferences.

    Facial Hair
    Winner - The Pittsburgh Steelers


    Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Houston Texans and Eric Weddle of the San Diego Chargers may make this one a contest but as long as Brett Keisel is in the league, no one touches The Beard.

    Winner - The Cleveland Browns


    One of the league's most consistent uniform designs is also its best. However, with Nike supposedly planning a redesign of the Browns uniform for next season, Cleveland's reign of dominance (and boy does it feel weird typing that one out) may be coming to an end soon.

    Endzone Celebrations
    Winner - The New York Giants
    The pickings are slim now because the NFL hates fun. Cam's "Superman" is a strong candidate and the (overly celebrated) Lambeau Leap has history behind it, but Victor Cruz's salsa dance is fun and a bit silly - qualities which any NFL game could use.

    Sideline Entertainment
    Winner - The San Francisco 49ers


    Television broadcasts should really just have one camera dedicated to the many expressions of Jim Harbaugh. Not a play goes by where Harbaugh doesn't look like a mixture of a million emotions.

    Fan Base
    Winner - The Jacksonville Jaguars


    Let the few die-hard Jaguars fans on the planet have something. If you've stuck with the Jaguars this long, you deserve some sort of recognition.

    Television Commercials
    Winner - The Denver Broncos
    Peyton Manning may shill for a ton of companies but his ads for Papa John's are bizarrely endearing and the DirecTV rap videos, er, commercials he makes with Eli run laps around the competition.

    Post-Game Press Conferences
    Winner - The New England Patriots
    Bill Belichick. Forever and ever.

Ryan Wong is a writer for Next Impulse Sports

SI Apps
We've Got Apps Too
Get expert analysis, unrivaled access, and the award-winning storytelling only SI can provide - from Peter King, Tom Verducci, Lee Jenkins, Seth Davis, and more - delivered straight to you, along with up-to-the-minute news and live scores.