SI's 2014 Signs of the Apocalypse

Author:
SI Staff
Publish date:
Dec 30, 2014

SI's 2014 Signs of the Apocalypse

January 20, 2014 Issue

2014-0120-Shaquille-O'Neal-zamboni-Devils-mascot.jpg — Andy Marlin/NHLI via Getty Images

So Shaq and Satan are driving this Zamboni…

January 27, 2014 Issue

2014-0127-Dunkin'-Donuts.jpg — Tim Boyle/Getty Images

Liverpool FC announced an agreement to make Dunkin’ Donuts its official baked-goods provider during National Obesity Awareness Week in the UK.

February 3, 2014 Issue

In a promotional deal, Tonga’s first Winter Olympian, luger Fuahea Semi, legally changed his name to that of a German underwear company, Bruno Banani.

February 10, 2014 Issue

Troy and Kelly Mann of Seattle named their daughter, born on Jan. 28, Cyndee Leigh 12th Mann.

February 17, 2014 Issue

In honor of forward James Johnson, the Grizzlies will hand out neck tattoo stickers to the first 5,000 fans at their Feb. 21 game against the Clippers.

February 24, 2014 Issue

On Feb. 12, the high temperature at the Winter Olympics in Sochi—61 degrees—topped the high temperature on the same day at all but six of the past 27 Summer sites.

March 3, 2014 Issue

David Cooper/Toronto Star via Getty Images

Team Canada had a Molson beer refrigerator at its Olympic house that could only be opened by scanning a Canadian passport.

March 10, 2014 Issue

Newcastle manager Alan Pardew was sent off during last Saturday’s (March 1) Premier League game against Hull City for head-butting an opposing player.

March 17, 2014 Issue

Police have opened a gambling investigation at Tarpon Springs Golf Course in Florida after a tipster said participants were wagering $20 a week during league play.

March 24, 2014 Issue

A Kentucky fan got a tattoo celebrating the team’s ninth NCAA tournament title—a week before the Wildcats even play their first game. (Kentucky went on to lose the national championship game to UConn.)

March 31, 2014 Issue

Colleen Beck, an 81-year-old woman from Memphis, put off surgery on a collapsed lung until the end of the Tigers’ 71-66 defeat of George Washington.

April 7, 2014 Issue

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images; @_KatherineWebb/Twitter.com

AJ McCarron and Katherine Webb’s engagement cake featured a replica of his Crimson Tide helmet.

April 14, 2014 Issue

Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images

A ninth-division Italian soccer league game must be replayed after the referee sent off a player for a foul that was, in fact, committed by his identical twin.

April 21, 2014 Issue

For more than a month members of the El Paso Chihuahuas tricked outfielder Jeff Francoeur into believing that one of the team’s starting pitchers was deaf.

April 28, 2014 Issue

The Astros celebrated the April 16 major league debut of one of their top prospects, rightfielder George Springer, by misspelling his name on the scoreboard during his first at bat.

May 5, 2014 Issue

A disgruntled 49ers fan is suing the NFL for $50 million because the Seahawks restricted ticket sales for the NFC championship to credit cards issued in certain areas.

May 12, 2014 Issue

John Alway, 41, of Haywards Heath, U.K., ran in the Mid Sussex Marathon with a life-sized Teddy Bear strapped to his back.

May 19, 2014 Issue

The former owner of the English soccer club Fulham, Mohamed Al Fayed, blamed the team’s relegation last week on the removal of a “charmed” statue of Michael Jackson that sat outside the stadium.

May 26, 2014 Issue

J.T. Granato, three-star quarterback at Kinkaid (Texas) School and feline enthusiast, committed to Rice after the Owls’ offensive coordinator sent a handwritten recruiting letter to his cat.

June 2, 2014 Issue

Jake Hendrickson paid $820 in an auction for the jersey quarterback Mark Sanchez wore during his infamous 2012 butt fumble. The Jets fan says he’s now saving up to send it into space.

June 9, 2014 Issue

An autocorrect snafu translated an official Blackhawks tweet hashtag from CHIvsLAK into a profane Spanish phrase about the president of Mexico, Enrique Peña Nieto.

June 16, 2014 Issue

An unidentified fan wore a full bear costume to the Padres’ 4-3, 11-inning win over the Nats.

June 23, 2014 Issue

Metta World Peace will serve as an assistant coach for the Palisades High (Calif.) girls’ basketball team next winter.

June 30, 2014 Issue

Joe Scarnici/Getty Images for Starwood Preferred Guest

John McEnroe suggested that tennis do away with umpires and line judges and let players make their own calls to create more fan interest.

July 7-14, 2014 Issue

Texas Tech dismissed cornerback Nigel Bethel II after he punched women’s basketball player Amber Battle in the face during a pickup basketball game last Saturday (June 28). (Bethel was later reinstated and suspended for the first three games of the 2014 season. Battle was suspended for the month of November for her role in the incident.)

July 21, 2014 Issue

A man shown sleeping at an April 13 Yankees-Red Sox game has brought a $10 million suit against MLB, ESPN and the Yankees for defamation and emotional stress.

July 28, 2014 Issue

Lefthander Derek Holland says he and his fellow Rangers pass time in the bullpen by playing fart-bottle roulette.

August 4, 2014 Issue

Byline Withheld/AP

Eric Brooks, a hard-core Nationals fan, showed up at two games last week with his beard shaped into the team logo.

August 11, 2014 Issue

South Carolina self-reported several NCAA violations last year, including one for impermissible icing on “cookie cakes” given to recruits.

August 18, 2014 Issue

2014-0818-Delights-by-Dawn-alcohol-infused-cupcakes.jpg — Courtesy of Delights by Dawn

The Falcons will sell alcohol-infused cupcakes at the Georgia Dome this season.

August 25, 2014 Issue

Mahiedine Mekhissi-Benabbad of France was disqualified after finishing first in the 3,000-meter steeplechase at the European Championships because he took off his shirt and put it in his mouth as he neared the finish line.

September 1, 2014 Issue

The Packers are selling a 22-inch kielbasa smothered in beer cheese and sauerkraut called the Horse Collar at Lambeau Field this season.

September 8, 2014 Issue

This fall a musical entitled I Am Stephon Marbury about the former NBAer’s life in China will open in Beijing, with Marbury playing the title role.

September 15, 2014 Issue

Robert Morris has become the first school offering athletic scholarships for its varsity video game team.

September 22, 2014 Issue

Parents have been banned from naming their children Messi in the Argentinian soccer star’s hometown of Rosario because it was getting confusing.

September 29, 2014 Issue

Garrett W. Ellwood/NBAE via Getty Images

Former Suns guard Rex Chapman, who made $22 million during his NBA career, was arrested for allegedly shoplifting $14,000 worth of merchandise from an Apple store in Arizona.

October 6, 2014 Issue

According to a recruit on an official visit during last month’s Clemson game, Florida State served crab legs as part of a halftime buffet.

October 13, 2014 Issue

Lions tight end Joseph Fauria sprained his ankle trying to stop his puppy from peeing in the house, an injury that has kept him out of two games. (He would miss six games in total.)

October 20, 2014 Issue

An Eagles fan stole a Vietnam veteran’s prosthetic leg outside Lincoln Financial Field before Philly’s 27-0 win over the Giants and left it on a train.

October 27, 2014 Issue

Cowboys running back Joseph Randle, who was arrested on Oct. 13 for shoplifting cologne and underwear, had signed an endorsement deal with a competing brand of skivvies.

November 3, 2014 Issue

Garrett Ellwood/NBAE via Getty Images; Twitter.com

The Warriors made rookie guard Aaron Craft dress up like a bear and sing Miley Cyrus before an open practice, then cut him the next day.

November 10, 2014 Issue

Heat forward Josh McRoberts tore his own jersey in anger after missing a rebound in a win over the Raptors on Nov. 2 and had to come out of the game.

November 24, 2014 Issue

Michael Zagaris/Oakland Athletics/Getty Images

Jose Canseco says his surgically reattached left middle finger fell off while he was participating in a poker tournament.

December 1, 2014 Issue

Kentucky coach John Calipari took to Twitter to wish his daughter a happy birthday—on the wrong day.

December 8, 2014 Issue

Siena senior guard Evan Hymes planned to skip the Saints’ game against Fordham on Monday to deliver a mandatory class presentation. Without Hymes, Siena lost the game 69-67.

December 15, 2014 Issue

The Sixers had to replay the first 16 seconds of their Dec. 3 game after they began shooting at the wrong basket. Philly bounced back to beat the T-Wolves 85-77, ending its 0-17 start.

December 22, 2014 Issue

There were 10 Heisman voters who did not have winner Marcus Mariota in their top three. The Oregon quarterback threw for 3,783 yards, 38 TDs and only two interceptions.

December 29, 2014 Issue

Dodgers announcer Vin Scully briefly lost his World Series ring from the team’s 1988 victory while shopping at Costco, and found it in a bag of ribs.