By Andrew Doughty
January 08, 2015

As we impatiently await the inaugural college football playoff title game, let's take a breather from expert predictions and repeated arguments over offensive schemes, coaching strategies, Marcus Mariota vs. Ohio State's defensive line and a million other ways to analyze the two teams. Instead, we ask a very un-important question: Which team would win the national title if it weren't based on football?

Head Coach with most playing experience in Austria

Ezra Shaw/Getty

Winner: Oregon

Following a college career at Southern Oregon, quarterback Mark Helfrich played one season with Raiffeisen Vikings Vienna in Austria. The current Ducks head coach also served as offensive coordinator during his year with the five-time Eurobowl champions. Urban Meyer, on the other hand, has never played professional football in Austria.

Real-life mascot cage match

Joe Robbins & Doug Pensinger/Getty

Winner: Oregon

Nuts might present a difficult challenge to our allergic friends, but they pose little risk in defeating an exuberant duck in a no-holds-barred cage match. The Buckeyes would be forced to forfeit this real-life mascot fight against almost every other college in America, maybe with the exception of FCS Georgetown. A hoya is literally nothing beyond the word "such".

Most Twitter followers

Screenshot via Twitter

Winner: Ohio State

Oregon might have flashier uniforms, but hey at least Ohio State has more Twitter followers. The official OSU football account boasts over 148,000 followers whereas Oregon's football account is just a shade over 92,000. In the Ducks' defense, OSU's student enrollment is 30,000 more than Oregon's and the Columbus population is more than quadruple that of Eugene.

Most Diners, Drive-ins and Dives locations

Eugene Fish Market

Winner: Oregon

Guy Fieri has rolled into Eugene on five occasions to film episodes of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. The wildly popular Food Network show with a heavy duty cult following has visited the likes of Fisherman's Market, Papa's Soul Food Kitchen & BBQ, Soup Nation and others. Fieri has visited 16 Ohio joints but has never stopped in Columbus.

City with Strongest Ties to Lil Bow Wow

Al Pereira

Winner: Ohio State

Yes, there's only one Lil Bow Wow. The rapper now referred to by his given name, Shad Moss, was born in Columbus and spent a portion of his childhood there. The now-27-year-old exploded onto the national scene as Lil Bow Wow with his Beware of Dog album in 2000. He has since released a series of less-known albums and dabbled with an acting career.

Andrew Doughty is a writer for Next Impulse Sports

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