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Bud Light has individual, team-specific slogans for 28 NFL teams. We’ve got better suggestions for all 32. 

By Extra Mustard
August 19, 2015

NFL fans who are counting calories and watching their wallets will be able to drink from team-specific cans of Bud Light this season. Each can comes with an individualized slogan like, “The perfect beer for chanting J-E-T-S, JETS JETS JETS.” They’re all pretty lame, which is why we came up with better ones. 

Rams: The perfect beer to remind you of St. Louis when your team moves to Los Angeles

Bengals: The perfect beer for when you’d rather be watching college football

Patriots: The perfect beer for reading a 243-page legal briefing

Seahawks: The perfect beer for forgetting to run the ball

Jets: The perfect beer to drink through a straw

Jaguars: The perfect pint for a London pub

Bears: The perfect beer for pretending it is still 1985

Vikings: The perfect beer to drink while birds try to fly through your new stadium

Packers: The perfect beer for washing down a 3,000-calorie lunch

Chiefs: The perfect beer for staying fresh past its expiration date

Giants: The perfect beer for crushing on a crowded NJ Transit train

Washington: The perfect beer to throw at Dan Snyder’s owner’s box

49ers: The perfect beer for convincing yourself you don’t need Jim Harbaugh, or Chris Borland, or Patrick Willis, or Justin Smith, or Michael Crabtree, or Frank Gore, or Mike Iupati

Colts: The perfect beer to strain through Andrew Luck’s beard

Ravens: The perfect beer for a elite quarterback

Texans: The perfect beer for watching slow motion J.J. Watt Hard Knocks montages

Lions: The perfect beer for forgetting the Matt Millen era

Titans: The perfect beer for Marcus Marioto

Falcons: The perfect beer for listening to artificial crowd noise

Browns: The perfect beer for drunk texting to the sidelines

Steelers: The perfect beer for burying your children’s participation trophies

Buccaneers: The perfect beer to pair with crab legs

Dolphins: The perfect beer for when at least you're not the Marlins

Cardinals: The perfect beer for watching other teams win championships in your stadium

Saints: The perfect beer to pound with Rob Ryan

Chargers:  The perfect beer for holding your taxpayers hostage

Raiders: The perfect beer to split with a friend when you skip town

Bills: The perfect beer to ice down your injured running backs

Broncos: The perfect beer for toasting Peyton Manning’s 40th birthday

Eagles: The perfect beer for the perfect man, Tim Tebow

Cowboys: The perfect beer for icing Dez Bryant’s face

Panthers: The perfect beer for waiting on the team to sign another receiver

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